My kids favorite potty words!

This post goes out to all the parents out there! People without children can read along but after you read this you may think twice about having any.

I would like to share some of my kids favorite potty words. These are words that seem to have infiltrated their little minds via an air born virus or something else rotten in nature. These are words that should not be said around the dinner table or any place else for that matter. These are words that play such a low role in society that they are often only used within the context of a sentence and not as the complete subject, predicate, adverb and adjective like my kids use them. Here's a top ten list of my kids favorite potty words and my best explanation of why my kids say them:

Tooted: This offensive word is flat out greatness to a kid! That's because at their age, gas freely flows from them without regard to all the unsuspecting noses in the room. When it does, it's not uncommon for my children to accuse each other or themselves out loud of tooting. Of course, this happens in the most inappropriate places like restaurants, elevators, church, in the car and, always in front of our friends. This drives me crazy as I often beg for forgiveness!

Underwear: Ok, the truth here folks is that even as adults when we see other people's underwear, a little voice in our heads yells out UNDERWEAR! I don't know why but I assume it's because we spend most of our lives trying to keep other people from seeing ours. It's an underwear phenomenon!

Stinky: The greatest kid word of all time! When all else fails, use the word "stinky" and you'll get any kids attention. My kids are obsessed with this word and use it alot in common everyday conversation especially after one of them...you got it..."tooted"! It can also be used to describe feet, our dogs, my cooking, and, of course, the infinite number of suicide skunks that litter the main road we live on.

Pee Pee: This word or double word falls in last place for me. I just don't like it. It usually means something bad happened or is happening at that very moment. Have you ever heard anything good come from hearing the word Pee Pee? There is exactly one, it's when your child finally goes to the bathroom by themselves and "pee pee's in the big potty!" Otherwise it means something bad happened in one of your children's pants and they are wet and "Stinky"! It's supposed to be a cute word but it's not cute when you have to get on your hands and knees and wipe up the not so cute and stinky Pee Pee puddle!

Poo Poo: This word actually evolves! When children are little bitty babies and they poo poo, we as adults find this to be amusing and often cute. We say things in our best "cutesy" voice like "look at the little poo poo...baby go poo poo...oohhhhh!" As the children get older, the tone changes and we find ourselves saying Poo poo in a more frustrated voice: "Oh no, you poo-pooed in your pants again?". Then after the kids get a certain age, we ask "did you go poo poo?", and you kids snap back at you and say "Shhhh - keep it down, my friends will hear you say that!" You see? Poo Poo evolves - it's cute, it's not cute and then it becomes a bad word! Actually, I can't believe I just detailed out the evolution of poo poo to you...sigh!!! Forgive me Lord!

Privates: A word learned by CJ from one of his teachers after he got sent to the principles office for hitting another classmates "privates". Now that my kids have learned this word, they have attached to it like Velcro. I would rather see the word go away! It's better than the alternative but it's still not a word that should be discussed freely. It's a word that for some reason makes my kids sound courteous even when they are being malicious. For example, the other day a group of us adults were at the playground watching our kids play, while we shared small talk. I was just bragging about how sweet Lily was, when she ran up to me and said, "Daddy, that boy was being mean to me, so I kicked him the privates." As I stood there inwardly horrified, hoping that no one heard the comment, the mother of the injured boy turned to me and said, "Well, at least she was polite." I stood there speechless.

Baby Diaper: Dumb Word(s)! For a small time this was like the big preschool buzz phrase. It made Amy, me and every other preschool parent crazy. It snuck into conversations like a germ. You would be having what you thought was a meaningful conversation with your preschooler when all of a sudden they might say, "Hey dad, guess what?" You would answer "what" with hopes that something hugely profound would come out of their little mouths only to hear: "Baby Diaper!" It's as if a demon entered their little minds and took over. As adults we call random outbursts or thoughts like that a "brain fart" or in kids terms a "brain toot". I don't want to call them anything! Dumb word(s)!!!!

Toilet: A sneaky little word that deserves no comment what-so-ever. We all know that a toilet holds all the potty but does not hold any weight as a potty word! Knock Knock! Who's there? Toy! Toy who? Toilet! <- That was CJ and Lily's first joke - Ever! I'm so confused - on one hand I'm thrilled my kids love to laugh and tell jokes, but on the other hand I was hoping for less potty and more funny!

Booty: Not really used that much except when Lily or CJ are dancing! They stick their little rears out and point to it while saying "Look at me shake my booty!" I just hope they learn not to say this by the time they are teenagers. It's so ghetto and ultimately derogatory as they get older...say around 38when you don't want people to notice you "shaking your booty".

Naked: A word used so beautifully in the book of Genesis, when Adam and Eve were in the Garden of Eden and everything was perfect! Then, of course with the bite of an apple and a little lie to God, everything changed and the word naked became shameful. Today, my kids like to yell out the word when they run around the house without their clothes. Their little arms waving in the air and eyes filled with excitement, often followed up with giggle and the shake of little butt cheeks as they run out of the room. It's those times when you wish you had a camera, so you could later use the photo's for blackmail. What's funny is that I heard that I did this as a kid. I guess that proves the old saying that the fruit doesn't fall that far from the tree. I hope no one took any pictures - ugh!

Well, there you have it folks. This is a low point in my blogging life but it had to be done. I hope you were able to relate to this blog and don't find me to be some horrible parent with heathen kids. The truth is my kids are beautiful, wonderful and sweet, they just have potty mouths! I just pray that as they get older that their vocabulary doesn't get filled with the uglier alternative words that are spoken so freely now-a-days. That would just be "stinky"!

I'm at the end of my roll!


I love my potty mouth kids!
Brian