The Holt Chronicles

Update!

2009-08-30T20:06:00.003-05:00

So it's been a few months since I've last blogged! I've been through a bunch of changes and yet have enjoyed a bit of stability. Pierce is getting big, CJ is maturing, Lily is getting sassy-er and Amy and I have just gained weight and worked like dogs to get a handle on our lives. That means that we're fat and happy - Literally. Amy's not really fat at all but if you asked her she would tell you she's a cow. If she's a cow - then she's the hottest cow in the pasture. Me on the other hand, I'm the chunky cow that everyone stares at. I'm the cow that everyone feels sorry for because I'm too fat to run. Yep that's me! Moooo!!!

I just wanted to update that I may be starting a new blog soon about children's ministry, ministry in general, the church, and other church related stuff. We'll have to see how the Lord leads me on this. Who knows maybe I'll go back into just writing about my kids.

Talk to you soon.
Brian

Twitter, Facebook, Myspace...Oh My!

2009-02-25T11:41:00.002-06:00

So I'm attempting to get all of my social networking things up to pace. Everyone I work with are Tech guys and they are all over these websites. I feel like an old person...WAIT...even old people are more tech saavy then me. This year we decided to move up to basic cable. My cell phone is soon to be an IPhone (this is HUGE!) and I work for technology company. My life is evolving to say the least.

Keep me in your prayers. I'm scared that someday I'm going to be one of those people that intimidate others because I know I so much about that "techno stuff"!!!

I'm going to go now and going to find out how to use the Google app on an IPhone so I can Twitter...what ever that means!!!!!

Brian

Fun Things to Talk About!

2009-02-10T21:45:00.003-06:00

I haven't blogged in awhile but I thought of some blog worthy things to talk about...here goes:

1) Got a new job! I'll be selling churches the absolute best church management software available. This is right up my alley. I plan to rock at this new opportunity God has given me.

2) Got second job! I am the children's pastor for a great little start up church here in the Aubrey area. I'm honored to serve God in this capacity again. It's a part time thing but it will scratch my itch to teach kids about Jesus and God's plan for their lives.

3) CJ is three days away from going an entire 6 weeks without any behavior or academic issues at school. They call this Gatorific since his school mascot is a gator. Go CJ!!!

4) Lily and I participated in our first Daddy/Daughter Dance. I was in a bit of heaven dancing with the most beautiful 6 year old girl in the world. Of course they played "Butterfly Kisses" and I pretty much turned into mush.

5) Amy is enjoying being a mom. Pierce has pretty turned her into mush.

6) Pierce is too cute and is enjoying turning his mom into mush.

7) Ashlyn is more than likely going to school in College Station. I'm just glad she's wanting to go to school. Go Ashlyn!

8) Ginger & Snaps - Hairy, rotten, and cute.

That's all for now.
Brian

I'm so glad 08' is over!

2009-01-11T20:37:00.010-06:00

I'd like to start this blog off with a sad but true statement: 2008 will go down in the Holt chronicles as the toughest year we've ever had! Toughest: Financially, spiritually, emotionally, and physically.

Here's a quick list of the changes and result that made it tough for us in 08:

1) Amy and I quit all full time jobs and go full force into Amy Holt Design Jan 08:
THE GOOD: The business was good for three months. We worked great together! We had a our third child Pierce in April.
THE BAD: Part A) by April we lost our two biggest customers in one week (one went out of business, and we lost our contact with the other and the new person had their own designer).
Part B) Unfortunately when Pierce was born we also lost our ability to both work all day at the same time. Production was cut in half and so was our income.
THE UGLY: We went right through our savings and have basically gone broke!

WHAT ABOUT THE REST OF IT YOU ASK?

Ok, so it's not all about money but without money many other things are effected:

THE GOOD: God works through your family and friends and to provide...well...provisions!
THE BAD: 1) You have to make excuses to people about why you can't go do things or contribute to things. 2) You can't pay your bills and your credit goes down the toilet. 3)
THE UGLY: The evil one has a playing field to kick up stress, effect your love life, your family life and your ability to enjoy the little things - simply because the "big" things are saturating your mind. The money valley is one of the darkest, deepest and perhaps the hardest to climb out of. In addition, we've both gained weight and we don't feel as good as we should.

WHAT ABOUT YOUR FAITH?

Good question! It's amazing when you're down because your faith is constantly tested:

Here's what God has taught us:
1) We need Him!
2) He will take care of our needs!

3) We can live on less!
4) We need to go through valleys to appreciate the hills and the plains.

WHAT ARE YOUR GOING TO CHANGE IN O9 TO MAKE IT BETTER?

Good question again! Amy and I have prayed and God and has let us both know in various ways of a different plan He would like for us to follow. Here's the skinny:

1) He wants me to provide for this family.
2) He wants Amy to take care of this house.
3) He wants us to serve more, give more and love more.
4) He wants us to build kids of Character and He want us to be the model for that character.
5) He wants to honor Him through our marriage. That means: Make Him #1 and us #2 in our lives.

So there you have it. This is a long blog but it's my blog and I'm the only one reading it anyway - so who cares!

MAY GOD BLESS 09!

Brian

Thanksgiving and Giving Thanks

2008-11-27T21:18:00.003-06:00

November comes every year and every year in America we get the opportunity and privilege to celebrate Thanksgiving. Family, food and football!!! I assume that the first Thanksgiving was a little different - probably more like family (what was left of them), food (what little they had) and football...oh well - two out of three isn't too bad.

This year we celebrated with Amy's father Bill and our friend Pam and her daughter's family. It was a nice time had by all.

This year I want to give thanks to God, my family and friends for being just who they are. God for being so good to me and my family. My family for being my family and my friends for still being our friends. Amy and really don't feel deserving of the love we get from God, our families and our friends. We are often in awe knowing we are as blessed as we are.

We hope that 2009, we are even more thankful.

I love giving thanks!

Brian

I'm on the B team!

2008-11-12T06:35:00.006-06:00

I liked this devotional. I know that I'm on the B team and many times the third string or even the "Waterboy"!!!!

"B" Team
This devotional was written by Kelly McFadden

"Jesus called out to them, ‘Come, follow me, and I will show you how to fish for people.’ And they left their nets at once and followed him.”—Matthew 4:19-20

If you were a race car driver, you would choose the fastest car. If you were a chef, you would choose the finest ingredients. If you were a jockey, you would want the strongest horse. If you were an athlete, you would want the best equipment. If you were a CEO, you would want the most qualified staff. If you were Jesus, you would want the weak and dependent?

What if I was to tell you that the Lord starts with the “B Team”? In fact, when Jesus picked his team (known as the 12 disciples), he actually picked those who had been glossed over by other rabbis and been left as fishermen. There was nothing special about the men. They were everyday, ordinary people. Jesus could have gone to the temples and chosen those who had memorized the Torah. He could have recruited men of influence and good standing. He could have chosen those who were popular or wealthy. Instead, he took the least of these. He looked past the most obvious apprentices, approached some fishermen and simply said, “Follow me.” They did.

The appendix in my Bible lists some of the characteristics of the first disciples. Perhaps you can relate to a few of them: treacherous, greedy, doubtful, despised, judgmental, short-tempered, impulsive. These were people who struggled with imperfections. One reason they all stood out was that they were willing to leave everything to follow Jesus. They were willing to leave everything behind to follow the Way, the Truth and the Life.

What about you? Are you still waiting to make yourself perfect before you try to really follow Jesus? Or, are you ready to see that God has picked you for His team? As much as you may have feared that you might be picked last, He picked you first. Why? He believes in you. He knows what you can do through Him and for Him. It is when you are willing to sit humbly at His feet and acknowledge your need for Him that God will show you great strength found in Him. He will make you fishers of men.

Now that was some high quality H20!

Brian

Some more brilliant greatness from our friends at Sesame Street!

2008-11-10T08:15:00.003-06:00

I dream of triangles too!

Brian

It's Halloween and I'm Blogging Baby!

2008-10-31T20:10:00.003-05:00

That's right, I'm handing out candy and blogging. Cool huh? Everybody who comes up and sees me working on my computer gets scared. It reminds them of working late nights and so far I've won the scariest house award.

This year's best costume has to go out to the adult who dressed up as Kimbo Slice - the famous ultimate fighting champion.
Here's what's funny - this guy was all of 180lbs and white. So he puts on this really bad beard and a head cover to make him look bald. I should have taken a picture.

Most of the kids were dressed in the typical stuff- except this one kid who used a ton of make-up and he looked he had been stabbed, burned and something else morbid. I called an ambulance! I hope he doesn't mind.

What gets me is the older kids dressing up and creeping everyone out because they are 17 or 18 years old. You get used to hearing cute little kid voices then all of a sudden you hear this deep man-voice belt out "TRICK OR TREAT!". It just freaks you out. It's disturbing!

All in all this day is so weird. It doesn't get any more pagan than this day. Oh well, maybe it's all in the name of "fun". My kids are all dressed up and loading up on candy. The next few days are when the "fun" happens when the kids get all hopped up on sugar.

I love candy.
Brian

CJ doesn't want his two front teeth for Xmas!

2008-10-25T07:59:00.004-05:00

CJ lost his two front teeth recently. Here's a picture of him without his front grill! It's so good I don't need to say another word.

CJ is pure greatness!

I love my boy!
Brian

I should write about more controversial things

2008-10-24T06:19:00.022-05:00

Awhile back I wrote about several things that were on my mind that ended up getting some real feedback for. One in particular was my comments on Pit Bulls. I wrote basically that they were not nice dogs. Of course, I based it all on the numerous media reports I had heard at that time about Pit Bull attacks, so I drew a conclusion that offended many people. I've received many comments on that particular posting - some good and some so bad, I couldn't post them. Those comments made me realize that I should speak my mind more often and not hold back. The end result might be interesting.

Let me tell you quickly the reason I write this blog to start with. 1) To vent about my life as a father of 6 (4 kids and two dogs) 2) To share my life experiences and to have fun with it. 3) To practice the art of typing...not really but a 3rd point is always best to have when you have a number list or when you bullet point something.

I think now I'll add a 4th reason to blog - To see if I can get a few comments from people - good or bad. I generally work on being politically correct while writing. I think thats going to change especially when something makes me crazy. SOOOOOO...with that said I think I'll write about something that makes me crazy right now....and I won't hold back.

Let's start with the elections ---- OOOOOOOOOOOhhhh! Yeah, like the old bartender saying goes, "Never talk about politics and religion in a bar". Well this isn't a bar folks!

Let's start with the Presidential Candidates: On the Democrat side, Senator Barack Obama - My question: Who is Barack Obama and why should he be the president of the United States? From what I gather he's a great speaker, he's confident, he's young and a 1st year senator. He has a certain "cool" factor that alot of people like. I know his campaign slogan is "change" and from his speeches he wants to "spread the wealth" and "grant health care to everyone". Some call him the "Savior" and so many people are mesmerized by him. He's like the "Pied Piper" of Hollywood- he toots his horn and all the actors come running. All this said, I still want to know what makes him qualified to run this country.

Here's what I think he would do well:
- He would inspire more countries to deal with the U.S. - He's got this kind of "Elvis" phenomenon thing with the Europeans.
- You would see many more actors hanging around the White House - Again, kind of like that "Elvis" thing.
- The "American Dream" will be available to anyone - whether they choose to work or not.

On the Republican side, Senator John McCain - My question Why shouldn't John McCain be the president of the United States?
I know alot more about John McCain. I know that he's a 3rd generation U.S. Military man, a decorated war hero, a former POW and a long time Senator. He's a self-proclaimed rebel or "maverick" within his own political party and he's known for being feisty and having a short fuse. The physical difference is - He's not as "cool" and he looks deformed with his permanently damaged shoulders. Oh and his he's fairly old at 72. He doesn't have a real commanding voice and he's just an above-average public speaker. Of course, he can't raise his shoulders cause they were damaged when we was in the Vietnam war. The scars on his face are permanent reminders of his battle with melanoma - something he has continuously survived.

Here's what I think he would do well:
- He would finally find and kill Osama Bin Laden and scare the poop out of many terrorist - even if he had to do it himself.
- He would keep the government from spending too much money on special interests. - Bye Bye ACORN!
- He would set up a pay-per view televised cat-fight between Sarah Palin and Nancy Pelosi and charge $10,000 a ticket for seats to watch live...up to $1,000,000/seat ring side. He would single handily wipe out the federal deficit in one weekend.

Now truthfully, I have to say that I'm fairly fearful of this year's election. I think the country is going to vote for the wrong guy and mainly because He's "cool", Not because he has the credentials. We've got a choice to vote for perhaps the one of the bravest, toughest, most honorable, American man who ever graced the political arena and we'll blow it and choose the "cool" guy. The "cool" guy always has the ultimate advantage. In this case - He has the (IM) instant message - IPhone crowd anxious to see what kind of "cool" things "change" means. They are looking for Obama to provide quick fixes for the war in Iraq, the economy, global warning, and gas prices - all of which have been blamed on George Bush for some reason or another. That brings up another rant - but I'll save that for another day. I wouldn't hold my breath for any quick fixes.

For McCain this election is his last shot. He isn't perfect but he's the one guy still left in this election that has the credentials, the record and the guts for the job. I read this somewhere - "Obama wants to be the president of the United States and John McCain wants to lead the United States." I think that sums it up.

Ok that's the end of this blog entry. I think I'm going to go vote early for the right guy. He probably won't win but that's the way it goes...and to me that ain't too "cool".

I love my country.

Brian

I've been a bad blogger!

2008-08-28T23:31:00.002-05:00

I've been a bad blogger! A good blogger blogs everyday and thinks about blogging everyday. I think about blogging everyday but I only blog when I have enough "alone" time to do it. "Alone" means when there is only 1-2 other people in the room.

I'll have to be bad tonight and tomorrow too. I don't have time to go over all the stuff that's been going on.

Coming Soon: Kids back at school!!!!!

Until then, bye
Brian

Update on life at this wacked out house

2008-07-11T23:50:00.002-05:00

My daughter is here this week and our house is better for it. She's 18 now and I just can't believe it. The other kids are in heaven because they get their sissy here and they can get away with more. Sissy is their human savior in this house.

Besides Ashlyn being here this week, here's an update on what's been happening:

Amy - Working like dog, nursing like a cow, graceful as a swan!

CJ - Great negotiator - the other day Amy needed him to go potty before he went to bed. He didn't want to of course, so Amy offered a bribe to get him to go (note: bribes are not a recommended parenting technique). He upped the value of the bribe and Amy didn't fall for it - so CJ decided to show her and threatened to only "half pee" if he didn't get his way. He pee'd a little bit and went to bed. Amy told him not to pee in his bed since he only "half pee'd" and CJ assured her he wouldn't. Guess what? He finished the other half of the peeing in his bed that night!

Lily - She packed today to get ready to stay with her Sissy this next week and she packed her favorite pants which are Goucho Pants. As she described what she had packed she got the goucho pants and called them "Nacho Pants". God that's cute!

Ashlyn - Poor girl, she's having to deal with this nut house! I'll pray for her right now!

Ok, I'm back!

Pierce - He's mastered the art of peeing (full peeing - not half peeing) on Amy. He doesn't do that on any body else...just Amy. He's also got very loud toots. I call them "man toots". He calls them relief! He is smiling a lot and beyond cute. He still eats and poops constantly but what do you expect? At least he's regular.

The dogs: They might lose their vocal cords this week since they have made a science of barking when the baby is sleeping. I really can't blame them - they are old and grumpy - kind of like me.

Me? - I'm just a dad without a brain. I want to go to OZ and see if the wizard can get me one. Can some one start tapping their slippers?

There's no place like home.....there's no place like home.....there's no place like home....

Dang! It didn't work I'm still here....

Oh Well....

I love my kids - they all have brains!

Brian "No Brains" Holt

Summer with the kids

2008-06-26T07:36:00.007-05:00

This year I'm literally spending my entire summer with my kids. Every day I actually figure in several hours where I take care of the kids. My wife and I split the day! CJ and Lily have been going to every known VBS in the north Texas region but Pierce is a different story.

It's God's way of having me connect with my children on a whole nutha level. I just hope I can remember that when I feel like strangling them for fighting and screaming with each other or when Pierce cries for no good reason.

I need to remember to just love them!

BUT BECAUSE THEY JUST WOKE THE BABY FROM SCREAMING AT EACH OTHER - I'M GOING TO START WITH THE STRANGLING!

I love my kids darn it!

Brian

My head is full and my kids don't care.

2008-06-06T07:23:00.005-05:00

Wow,

Today I woke up and wanted to conquer the world but realized that my kids don't care. The want me to hang out with them and play video games with them and hold them when they have bad dreams. I once heard a quote from one of my favorite pastors/writers - Rob Bell. Rob was speaking at the C3 Church Conference and before he finished his talk he reminding the group of overly-driven pastors that regardless of how hard they work, no matter how important they think their work is or how many of their congregation "depend" on them - their own kids DON'T CARE! They don't care! They only care if you hang out with them or play video games with them or hold them when they have bad dreams. He's right you know!

So with that said I'm still going to conquer the world today but I'm going to leave time for my kids. My non-caring, self absorbed, needy children who "depend" on me! I might even stop in the middle of my work today and play kung-fu fight with my son or play fashion show with my daughter or rock my baby boy when he's fussy!

Of course, when they go to bed tonight I will probably go back to work for awhile and make up for that lost time playing with them but since they will be asleep - they "won't care" anyway will they?

I love my kids!

Brian

It's official - there will be no more babies in this house!

2008-05-14T15:46:00.005-05:00

I sit here writing this with ice packs under my laptop and under the influence of pain relievers. Yes folks, I finally made it to that "special" doctor that changes men forever. I had the pipeline cut off and now there will be no more Holt children made in this house. Oh, I know what you're thinking..."Too Much Information Brian!" I couldn't agree more.

So....now what do you want to talk about?............

Oh I know, we can talk about my family and what they are up to:

Amy - Getting thinner by the day and shedding her pregnancy weight. Beautiful as usual and a wonderful mother. She has sacrificed sleep in order to get Pierce trained to sleep through the night. What an incredible woman!!!!

CJ - becoming a true 2nd grader - I'd go into what that means but that would only make me want to pull out my hair.
Lily - Learning how to be even more cute as she tightens her grip of me around her little finger.
Pierce - He's a very serious baby. He doesn't smile alot but boy does he eat! Eat - Sleep - Poop --- IT NEVER ENDS!
Ashlyn - She went to prom and I got a little sadder. She's not supposed to dress in slinky dresses and go to prom with some hairy legged boy. She's not supposed to do a lot of things but I'm just being one of those weird dads so I'll just shut up!
Ginger & Snaps - Cute, hairy, and a little jealous of Pierce. Funny huh?

I think I'll change out the ice pack now and relax. The laptop is a little warm for my lap right now...if you know what I mean?

Ouch!
Brian

I've been reminded to blog, drop and roll

2008-04-24T23:08:00.004-05:00

A good friend of mine reminded me this week that I haven't blogged in awhile and that I'm a loser for not doing so. No...he really didn't call me a loser but if he had I would have agreed with him. I didn't know he even read my blog and quite honestly - I'm honored! Thanks Jeff!

Ok, so here's the scoop on things in the life of Brian and my reaction to it:
1) We had baby Pierce on April 4. - Very cool to see a miracle again! Devilishly handsome boy who loves his Daddy.
2) We had family there to celebrate it with us and I got to share the miracle of birth with my wonderful Mom who was there in the delivery room with us. - I was thrilled to have her there and felt comforted by her momma spirit.
3) I got to go to a children's conference and listen to one of the most talented men in the world named Phil Vischer tell everyone about his deepest inner struggles - It greatly moved me!
4) CJ got into a little fight at school a few days ago. - He lost his award for being good for a 6 weeks period and that was sad but at least he's not afraid to take up for himself.
5) Our business is still great! Money's still tight but it won't always be. Someday we'll upgrade from Totino's Pizza to DiGiorno's and then we'll know that we have finally made it.

There's more but I'm tired! I'll blog again soon! I have alot to rant about including how the HOA in my neighborhood loves me - Not and how my kids wait to fight until I get on the phone. It's a conspiracy I tell you!

I love my blog.
Brian

Below is a very newborn picture of Pierce. I can tell he's my boy because he's already joking around and sticking his tongue out at mama! What a fun boy he's going to be. Poor Amy! Pray for her will ya?

Wow have I been busy!

2008-03-15T07:55:00.002-05:00

Just how long has it been since I last cursed this blog with my horrible grammar? Well, that's too long by golly!

Good news - Bad news: Good news is that Amy and I are really, really busy. Bad news is that I don't have much time for anything else. Business is very good and we've finally seen some fruit of our labor. Too bad the first round of fruit was all too quickly eaten up. We pray daily and look forward to more good harvest in the future -God willing!

Update on things:
- CJ is still getting greens everyday (see below for green reference)
- Lily still has me wrapped around her finger.
- Ashlyn is here for part of her spring break. <- she could be on the beach with all the crazies but instead she's here with all these crazies!
- Ginger & Snaps - old, flatulent but lovely in their own hairy little way.
- Amy - About to Pop! Her pregnant belly is really....well...Pregnant!
- Me? - I'm in the Zone baby! I'm really enjoying what I'm doing and what the future holds. I'm constantly praying and God is constantly providing!

Otherwise we are gearing up for the baby. Amy is nesting like crazy!!!! The baby's room looks unbelievable. She has really done a great job with decor and "stuff". Folks-this baby is as well equipped as any baby on the planet. People from Baby's R Us are calling for advice on merchandising. It's incredible!

I'll have a picture of the Baby on this blog as soon as he arrives. I'm excited!

I love my wife and kids (present and future).
Brian

The Amazing Color Green

2008-02-08T06:01:00.000-06:00

As many of you know CJ started public school this year. This has been a blessing for our family as CJ has thrived since he has been there. One of the reasons CJ has done well there is the mystical, magical color Green. You see green is the considered the highest color in the disciplinary colors food chain. If you do well throughout the day, without incident you receive a green color for the day. If you have an incident (talking, horse playing, etc), you receive a Blue. If you continue your devious and sinful ways, then you continue down the "color change" ladder to yellow, orange and finally the dreaded RED <- Cue big booming, dramatic drum noise BOOM BOOM BOOM!

CJ has received three blues since he's been there but he received them for talking...Can you imagine that? CJ, like his dad, is a know-it-all and truly feels like what he has to say is profound and world changing. Now as an adult, I know that deep down what I have to say is ridiculous and just plain silly but CJ still feels that his words are pure gold and everyone should want to hold on to every little nugget of info that comes from his mouth. I appreciate that about him in some wierd way. I just hope his teacher does too.

CJ has vowed to get a Green today at school, to complete a full week of Green. His reward - a trip to Game Stop. He deserves it! Just think...three months ago CJ was the devil at his old school - earning the evil color of RED every day. God blesses in such colorful ways!

I love my Green son!
Brian

What a hoot!

2008-02-01T08:25:00.000-06:00

Disclaimer: This post is "R" rated! That's right, it's for mature audience only. WHY you may ask? Because about 4:30am today my wife and I were awakened by the sound of two owls expressing their "desire" for each other. That's right, we heard the call of the wild and boy were they calling!!!

Of course, when Amy and I woke up we couldn't help ourselves and started imagining what those owls were doing. Now, I could go into a number of different scenarios that were playing out in my mind but I won't go there simply because I don't want people to know what I sick mind I really have. I'll rise above my evil ways for your benefit!

Amy and I listened to the owls as the sound of their hooting gradually got closer and closer. The sequence of sounds from the owls started with a deep sounding "Hoo Hoo" then a higher sounding "Hoo Hoo". The "Hoo Hoo's" became more frequent and louder as they got closer. Then we heard nothing! It was at this point that I suddenly realized - we had just listened to "owl sex". <- Told you this was "R" rated! What's disturbing is that I think it happened on our roof. Maybe I should have poured them some wine and played some Barry White!?! Jeez, what kind of host am I?

So, there you have it. Doesn't that make for some good blogging or what? I thought I would bring you some family quality entertainment this morning. Great stuff! The good news is, Amy and I now have something that will make us laugh from time to time when ever we see an image of an owl.

What a hoot!

I love owls!
Brian

Cool Week!

2008-01-29T21:44:00.000-06:00

This is a cool week! That's because I'm living a childhood dream of mine. This week I've been hired to be a puppeteer. Oh, it's not Sesame Street but it's not to far from it. Fellowship Church has contracted me to be one of their main characters for their new nationally distributed preschool curriculum. I'm so excited to be part of such an amazing thing. It will be done well and it will be used to enhance church preschools everywhere. What an honor!

What a cool week!
Brian

Pray and Wash!

2008-01-19T12:46:00.000-06:00

Quick entry today: This morning CJ was taking a shower when I decided I should check on him. You see, he had been in there for quite a while and I had told him several times to make sure and wash his hair. Knowing he had not done it yet, I quickly opened the shower door and said "WASH YOUR HAIR!" CJ jumped back and without hesitation said "I WAS PRAYING TO GOD!" I quickly closed the door and a bit startled I said - "Well then, pray and wash!"

Amy and I thought this was funny! I guess you had to be there.

Brian

My kids favorite potty words!

2008-01-06T21:59:00.000-06:00

This post goes out to all the parents out there! People without children can read along but after you read this you may think twice about having any.

I would like to share some of my kids favorite potty words. These are words that seem to have infiltrated their little minds via an air born virus or something else rotten in nature. These are words that should not be said around the dinner table or any place else for that matter. These are words that play such a low role in society that they are often only used within the context of a sentence and not as the complete subject, predicate, adverb and adjective like my kids use them. Here's a top ten list of my kids favorite potty words and my best explanation of why my kids say them:

Tooted: This offensive word is flat out greatness to a kid! That's because at their age, gas freely flows from them without regard to all the unsuspecting noses in the room. When it does, it's not uncommon for my children to accuse each other or themselves out loud of tooting. Of course, this happens in the most inappropriate places like restaurants, elevators, church, in the car and, always in front of our friends. This drives me crazy as I often beg for forgiveness!

Underwear: Ok, the truth here folks is that even as adults when we see other people's underwear, a little voice in our heads yells out UNDERWEAR! I don't know why but I assume it's because we spend most of our lives trying to keep other people from seeing ours. It's an underwear phenomenon!

Stinky: The greatest kid word of all time! When all else fails, use the word "stinky" and you'll get any kids attention. My kids are obsessed with this word and use it alot in common everyday conversation especially after one of them...you got it..."tooted"! It can also be used to describe feet, our dogs, my cooking, and, of course, the infinite number of suicide skunks that litter the main road we live on.

Pee Pee: This word or double word falls in last place for me. I just don't like it. It usually means something bad happened or is happening at that very moment. Have you ever heard anything good come from hearing the word Pee Pee? There is exactly one, it's when your child finally goes to the bathroom by themselves and "pee pee's in the big potty!" Otherwise it means something bad happened in one of your children's pants and they are wet and "Stinky"! It's supposed to be a cute word but it's not cute when you have to get on your hands and knees and wipe up the not so cute and stinky Pee Pee puddle!

Poo Poo: This word actually evolves! When children are little bitty babies and they poo poo, we as adults find this to be amusing and often cute. We say things in our best "cutesy" voice like "look at the little poo poo...baby go poo poo...oohhhhh!" As the children get older, the tone changes and we find ourselves saying Poo poo in a more frustrated voice: "Oh no, you poo-pooed in your pants again?". Then after the kids get a certain age, we ask "did you go poo poo?", and you kids snap back at you and say "Shhhh - keep it down, my friends will hear you say that!" You see? Poo Poo evolves - it's cute, it's not cute and then it becomes a bad word! Actually, I can't believe I just detailed out the evolution of poo poo to you...sigh!!! Forgive me Lord!

Privates: A word learned by CJ from one of his teachers after he got sent to the principles office for hitting another classmates "privates". Now that my kids have learned this word, they have attached to it like Velcro. I would rather see the word go away! It's better than the alternative but it's still not a word that should be discussed freely. It's a word that for some reason makes my kids sound courteous even when they are being malicious. For example, the other day a group of us adults were at the playground watching our kids play, while we shared small talk. I was just bragging about how sweet Lily was, when she ran up to me and said, "Daddy, that boy was being mean to me, so I kicked him the privates." As I stood there inwardly horrified, hoping that no one heard the comment, the mother of the injured boy turned to me and said, "Well, at least she was polite." I stood there speechless.

Baby Diaper: Dumb Word(s)! For a small time this was like the big preschool buzz phrase. It made Amy, me and every other preschool parent crazy. It snuck into conversations like a germ. You would be having what you thought was a meaningful conversation with your preschooler when all of a sudden they might say, "Hey dad, guess what?" You would answer "what" with hopes that something hugely profound would come out of their little mouths only to hear: "Baby Diaper!" It's as if a demon entered their little minds and took over. As adults we call random outbursts or thoughts like that a "brain fart" or in kids terms a "brain toot". I don't want to call them anything! Dumb word(s)!!!!

Toilet: A sneaky little word that deserves no comment what-so-ever. We all know that a toilet holds all the potty but does not hold any weight as a potty word! Knock Knock! Who's there? Toy! Toy who? Toilet! <- That was CJ and Lily's first joke - Ever! I'm so confused - on one hand I'm thrilled my kids love to laugh and tell jokes, but on the other hand I was hoping for less potty and more funny!

Booty: Not really used that much except when Lily or CJ are dancing! They stick their little rears out and point to it while saying "Look at me shake my booty!" I just hope they learn not to say this by the time they are teenagers. It's so ghetto and ultimately derogatory as they get older...say around 38when you don't want people to notice you "shaking your booty".

Naked: A word used so beautifully in the book of Genesis, when Adam and Eve were in the Garden of Eden and everything was perfect! Then, of course with the bite of an apple and a little lie to God, everything changed and the word naked became shameful. Today, my kids like to yell out the word when they run around the house without their clothes. Their little arms waving in the air and eyes filled with excitement, often followed up with giggle and the shake of little butt cheeks as they run out of the room. It's those times when you wish you had a camera, so you could later use the photo's for blackmail. What's funny is that I heard that I did this as a kid. I guess that proves the old saying that the fruit doesn't fall that far from the tree. I hope no one took any pictures - ugh!

Well, there you have it folks. This is a low point in my blogging life but it had to be done. I hope you were able to relate to this blog and don't find me to be some horrible parent with heathen kids. The truth is my kids are beautiful, wonderful and sweet, they just have potty mouths! I just pray that as they get older that their vocabulary doesn't get filled with the uglier alternative words that are spoken so freely now-a-days. That would just be "stinky"!

I'm at the end of my roll!

I love my potty mouth kids!
Brian

What a blessed year!

2008-01-05T07:43:00.000-06:00

I'm took a moment this morning to reflect on 2007 and by the time I got through everything that happened this year, my eyes were crossed. Here's just a top 10 summary of 2007 highlights in no particular order or in any particular style(this is just what came to mind):

- I started a new job with a community church in Frisco, TX. - Yeah!
- Amy resigns from Fellowship and starts own business. - Scary!
- Amy's Bible study that she co-wrote with Lisa Whelchel is published. - Amazing!
- CJ accepts Christ and gets Baptized. - Hallelujah!
- Went on first family vacation - Cruising baby!
- My oldest daughter Ashlyn is dating and about to get her drivers license -ugh! Sigh! ugh! (please give me a minute to cry!)
- We move to Savannah, TX to a wonderful house. - Greatness!
- I resigned my position at Preston Trail and go to work with Amy. Scarier!
- Amy gets pregnant! - Wow!
- CJ starts public school after first 3 years in private! - Oh boy!

I could go on and on but the truth is I look back and I just didn't see any tragedy, sickness, death, or any other misfortune that would have dampened the year. I could spend the rest of the day simply counting my blessings and I still wouldn't touch the surface. I have the greatest wife, kids, mom, dad, brother, sister, family, and friends in the world. I live like a king compared to most of the world and I truly have no worries big enough to really matter. I attribute it to all to God who has filled my life with all of these blessings.

I've told my little family that this year I want us to spend more time counting our blessings and less time worrying about what we don't have. I have a feeling there won't be enough time in day to count them all.

Here's to a great 2008!

I love my life!
Brian

A Very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year indeed!

2007-12-27T09:09:00.001-06:00

Ok, so it's been a month since I blogged...I needed a break! Actually, I've been pretty busy and havent had the time to get on and write. Not that I didnt have anything to write about but busy is busy!

This week me and the family drove to my parents house in New Braunfels for Christmas. It's been nearly 10 years since I've been able to take part in Christmas Eve. Since getting into Ministry, I've been unavailable for Christmas Eve family activities. This was a wonderful experience for me. We shared a wonderful time at my sisters house and, of course we ate like kings. Let me tell you about it:

The kids played outside amongst the rocks, trees and a 9ft slide/swing set. They all managed to escape death...barely! By the time the night was over, many of the kids had knots and bruises and Lily looked like she had been in a gang fight. Lily is so stinkin' tough and she only cried once. That's my bruiser!

Lisa's tree was seven stories tall and poked through the roof. The airforce flew by several times to make sure it wasnt a nuclear missle. It was cool! The presents - Oh the presents! They lined up under the tree in beautiful mountainous stages. The first stage looked like peaks of the Rocky mountains. The presents on this level actually had ice caps on them. The second level (like the foothills of the Rocky's) had sheep and cattle on them. The final layer stretched out like a vast Colorado plain. I swear I thought I saw an aurora in the distance.

By the time all the presents were opened there was bunch of people outside protesting the outrageous misuse of wrapping paper and the ungodly tree killing that took place to make it all. There was enough paper to wrap a cruise ship. The kids were like wild animals, they tore through their presents with crazy eyes and razor like claws. The noise was like that of a tornado with the tearing of each present. The cloud of wrapping paper darkened the sky like an eclipse. The whole scene was nuts.

When it was all said and done the kids were all jacked up and the parents were wondering how they were going to load it all up in their car. It was a good time had by all. I look forward to Christmas next year...I'll just make sure to wear earplugs!

Cheers!
Brian

Can anyone tell me?????

2007-11-17T22:11:00.000-06:00

OK so I got on this silly conversation today with my wife about why certain things even exist. Things that if you think about them, you just can't find a good reason why they are on this planet. I started going down a list of things that came to the top of my head and then I started digging around for other things that took a little thought. I started with cigarettes - the devil's way of killing people slowly and painfully...need I say more?

Then I moved to Fry Daddy's -
You know, the mini-fry cookers that physically maimed half the children in the 70's and early 80's. Stupid invention! I've never heard anyone ever say "Man, I'm glad I bought that Fry Daddy." No, I've only heard the stories about how a busy mom turned her back for one second to answer the phone only to have her 4 year old pull on the power cord and dump a half gallon of boiling grease on top of themselves. They should have called it the "Fry Baby" or "Cookin Kid" or something like that. Terrible invention - shouldn't have been made!
From here I moved to one of God's creatures...the horrible Pit Bull dog.
I'm not sure why God made the Pit Bull but I suspect that it was to give us an example of what an evil dog is like. God hoped that we would think before we actually made the choice to pick out a dog. I imagine that he would want our inner dialogue to sound something like this - "look there's a miniature long-haired dachshund and a pit bull for sale, which one should I pick? You know, that pit bull likes to eat children and chew up little old ladies but the dachshund would rather lick your toes and cuddle with you. I think I'll get the nice little dachshund." This rational thinking would please God and evil would be thwarted once again....BUT NOOOOO...there is always someone whose own insecurities drive them to want to by a dog of power. That's why you see people buy big scary dogs...well that's my theory anyway.
Ok, let's move away from God's creatures and pick on cars. I'll make a quick list and beat em up with quick thoughts:

The Hummer: Used by the Army to invade small countries. That's why you see 90lb pound women driving them all over the suburbs in America. Lamborghini:
Goes 1 bazillion miles per hour. The speed limit for most of us is between 20mph in school zones to 70 on most interstates. I've never seen a sign that said "Speed Limit 1,000,000,000,000,000,000 MPH".
Motorcycles: Now before you send me hate mail, think this through. Motorcycles are basically bicycles with a motor. This means that the only think that connects the driver and the road are two skinny tires. Let's consider the following scenario: A car and a motorcycle are traveling down the road. Two suicide squirrels dart out onto the road. The car hits one and squish - it's dead, flat on the road. The bike hits the other squirrel and BAM the rider goes flying off of the bike and lands 100 feet down the road shedding body parts along the way. The squirrel probably crawls off with a slight concussion. Considering this scenario - you can see that motorcycles just don't make sense.

You see folks, there are lots of things that just shouldn't have been made. I can't name them all here but I bet in life's little adventure you too will see things that will make you ask the question "why?". Until then I have to ask around and hope that someone can tell me the reason why some things even exist. Oh well!

Can someone tell me??

Brian

I got to play golf today!!!!!!!!

2007-11-16T22:41:00.000-06:00

Today was a great day! I had a lovely morning with my wife and kids and then I played golf. I played fairly well and had fun.

Today was a great day!

I love golf!

Brian

Silly Lily

2007-11-11T07:58:00.000-06:00

I've decided that Lily is the cutest little girl that ever walked the earth! I proclaim this indeed!!!

Now, the truth is Lily is also very silly, sassy and stubborn...just like her momma. That's what makes her perfect in her daddy's eyes. Few things have brought me as much joy as my Lilybug. Here is a picture of her being silly.

I would have put up a cute or pretty picture of her but she wouldn't let me. She would rather me put up the silly one. That's Lily!

I love my Lovebug!
Brian

What do lost teeth and Greeks have in common?

2007-11-08T16:42:00.000-06:00

To answer this question, I'll break this down into two parts:

1) This week was a special week for CJ. First he lost one of his bottom teeth. No big deal right? WRONG! This may have surpassed his Baptism, Christmas or even his birth as the most important day of his life. CJ actually told us that now there is a chance that he can get his "girlfriend" Lilly back. Some boy with lots of lost teeth "stole" her away from him. I guess the hillbilly look is popular in the second grade...go figure! In any case now that CJ is in the "In Crowd"...or in CJ's case the "out-crowd" he can get his life and girlfriend back - Go get em tiger!

2) Also this week was CJ's Greek Festival at his school. This is when the kids get to dress up like the ancient Greeks and celebrate the greatness that was that era. The kids were each assigned a particular part of Greek history and they were given a few minutes in front of the class to demonstrate and/or present their assignment. CJ was given Greek Gods and Goddesses. Considering that Greek Gods and Goddesses are myths, CJ was supposed to come up with his very own original myth. Since CJ was deep into celebrating his lost tooth and of course the the Tooth Fairy, he and I sat down and came up with the Myth of Enamelese. Here's the myth in all it's toothfull glory:

Enamelese was born without any teeth. As he grew older, all the other kids made fun of Enamelese because he only had a gummy smile. Enamelese became very angry at all the other kids. He promised that he would get back all the other kids
by stealing their teeth while they were asleep. He asked Zeus to turn him into a spirit and allow him to steal the teeth of all those kids who laughed at him. Zeus laughed at Enamelese and told him he was out of his mind. Enamelese got even more angry and decided to ask Hades, the god of the underworld, to help him. Hades told Enamelese that he would help him but under one condition. Enamelese would have to steal the teeth of Zeus first. Enamelese tried to steal Zeus's teeth but Zeus caught Enamelese and told him that he would not punish him if he changed his life and became a good human. Enamelese would have to spend his entire life helping other humans take care of their teeth. Enamelese agreed and became the world's first dentist. Enamelese helped so many people with their teeth that Zeus became very pleased with him. Enamelese became known as the protector of teeth. When Enamelese grew old and died Zeus turned Enamelese into a god and from then on Enamelese gave gifts to kids for all of their lost teeth. He takes the teeth and turns them into stars and puts them in the sky for everyone to see. So when you lose a tooth make sure to put your tooth under your pillow at night and when you wake up know that Enamelese took it, gave you a gift and put your tooth in the sky as a star for all to see. Today we call Enamelese the tooth fairy.

I hope after reading CJ's original myth, you will see what lost teeth and Greeks have in common. CJ is now convinced that his original myth is actually an original truth. Actually the more I think about it, CJ thinks everything he comes up with is an original truth. I suppose that's a sign of a good leader, dictator Greek God or something!

I love my kids!
Brian

We've Arrived!

2007-11-01T19:42:00.000-05:00

When you drive up to our new neighborhood there is a billboard at the entrance that says "You've Arrived". I think what that really means is that you've just driven 30 miles to get here and for God's sake - You've finally freakin' Arrived! Yeah, we moved and it seems like we moved to Canada. It's only Aubrey (between Denton and McKinney) but it's a stretch from the rest of the world. Here's the website, www.savannahdfw.com

Amy found this place when she was searching for a new home and she just fell in love with it. It really is great! Quite honestly, it's like the Truman Show here. There are kids laughing and playing at all the neighborhood parks. They ride their bikes in the streets and the cars actually slow down for them. There are moms with strollers all over the place and dads out throwing the football with Jr. You'll find joggers and walkers and people playing tennis on the many available courts. This place has ponds stocked with fish and people trying to catch them. Everyone has a smile on their face and they wave at you like they are old friends. It's kinda freaky! I'm waiting for someone to crack and come running to us yelling "run for your lives this is all a hoax". Remember the movie Funny Farm? It's the movie where Chevy Chase buys the old country farm and thinks he has "arrived" when he finds out the people in the town are actually rude and mean. If you remember, he ends up paying the towns people to be nice and hospitable when he tries to sell the farm. I'm thinking that will be me in a few weeks when I find out that this is all a joke. I pray that I'm wrong.

Here's another crazy thing about this place...it actually has a movie theater, a full gym, basketball court, soccer and baseball fields and a mini club inside the .......well uh....clubhouse! Amy and I just took part in our first community activity otherwise known as Halloween. We walked around our neighborhood and enjoyed our .......well uh....neighbors. Many went all out and decorated like crazy for this event. They entertained the kids with their creativity turning their houses into graveyards, haunted houses, and just flat out spooky places. Everybody was so nice and Amy and I got to meet all of our neighbors. We've never been able to go "trick or treating" in our neighborhood before so this was indeed a treat.

I think we are going to enjoy it here. It's a long way from anything but I think that's part of it's magic. People who work all day in the city dealing with the hustle and bustle of traffic and city life look forward to driving home each day because they know that this place takes them away from all of that. I think for Amy and I we look at this place as a great place to get us out of our comfort zone and we get to enjoy a new way of life for awhile. God must want us venture out some! I'm all for it!

Sorry this wasn't so funny but many times I'm so taken back by God's grace and cool plans that I'm more in awe than funny. I'm happy but I'm not exactly cracking jokes. I guess it doesn't hurt to be a little serious here and there. God knows that I'm smiling and laughing inside. That's because I think we are in God's will and I pray everyday that we are. Then and only then will I know that we've "Arrived"!

I love my new home!
Brian

My ADD and me!

2007-10-17T19:29:00.000-05:00

Ok so everyone except me knows that I have ADD. I've had a hard time excepting it and although I haven't officially been diagnosed, I know deep down that I may very well be the poster child for it. If I was famous, I would be doing Adderall commercials with Ty Pennington from Extreme Makeover. I can see it now...I look over at Ty, "Hey Ty, did you take your Adderall today?" He ignores me and I repeat the question. He answers by saying "No, hey look Brian a red balloon!" I look and then get distracted by a quarter on the ground. Ty then says "Was that my cell phone ringing?" I then check to see if it's my cell phone and then forget to pick up the quarter. We get through the whole day without accomplishing a thing or remembering what we are doing. That would be only one episode in a long string of exciting yet forgetfull episodes with Brian and Ty. The crowd would watch in awe that we actually survive as humans.

Just so you understand why I would blog about this, I've been going through a period of self discovery lately and quite honestly this discovery was not my favorite one to find. I have always believed that I'm just a big goofball who can't remember anything. Wrong! I'm a big goofball who can't remember anything because I have ADD and my brain would rather move on the next best thing. Oh, I know that ADD is more than that, but because I can't remember all the stuff that the long boring article said about it, I just feel like summarizing it instead. <- note the rational of a person with ADD.

I think I'll go to a doctor and see what I need to do. I don't want to get on medication but I'll do it if I think that I will improve my memory. By the way, writing is one of the few things that I really focus on when I start doing it. So when I say that writing this blog is therapy for me...it really is.

I think I'll go now and try to accomplish my task list all at once and not get anyone of them done and of course, forget about the rest of the tasks when I lose the list under some things that were on my list to start with.

Pray for me!

I love my ADD.

Brian

I feel like I'm taking crazy pills!

2007-09-20T08:22:00.000-05:00

The headline comes from Will Farrell's character Mugata from the comedy film Zoolander. If you've ever seen the film, it's just dumb-funny comedy and you can't help but laugh. It reminds me of our lives sometimes...Dumb-funny comedy where you can't help but laugh. With two over-the-top kids, two old dogs who excessively bark and pass gas and two adults who are trying to manage careers, family and ministry. The result of all of this is just funny. We are far more balanced than we've been in the past but we still face the same personality issues of our kids, dogs and ourselves. Let me explain the families personalities to you so that you too can laugh with us. Here's the good, the bad and the ugly:

Amy
The Good: Beautiful, joyful and highly spirited. The optimist of the family who always looks on the bright side. She works very hard and loves to showcase her amazing talent. She can bring a smile to any one's face!

The Bad: Not good with time but that's because of her optimism. For example: If the closest Starbucks is 5 miles away it should only take a 5 minutes to get there right? Not! That's because there is 6 lights on the way there and traffic adds an additional 10 minutes to the drive. Amy's optimism allows her to believe that all the lights will be green and there will be no additional traffic along her route. I wish I could think like that!

The Ugly: If you don't feed Amy you lose Amy. If you are ever near her and she is quiet, that's because she's probably hungry. She doesn't need much but it better be quick whatever it is.

CJ
The Good: Fun! Playful! Smart! Energetic! Life of the party! CJ is the best, he really is. Amy and I think CJ is destined for greatness. He has the personality, charm and energy to light up the world. He's funny and he loves everyone...especially Jesus. Look out world CJ is here to take over!!!

The Bad: Look out world CJ is here to take over!!! The bad side of this is that he doesn't know that he isn't in charge. He's considered by many who only get a surface glance at CJ as ADHD and in need of meds. Amy and I face many battles with CJ but that's because CJ doesn't know how to turn his Good things off when he needs to and because he has no boundaries. We admit to not parenting very good when it comes to boundaries but we're getting better.

The Ugly: His temper! He gets that from both families. It's controllable but boy you should see the mean face he can give! Oooooh Ugly!

Lily
The Good: She is beautiful like her mom and about as sweet as it gets. She is so stinking cute that it hurts. She's spunky, witty, quick and cunning. Lily can charm you from one side of the room to the other. She has her daddy right where she wants him and I couldn't be happier to be there.

The Bad: Lily uses her charm to get what she wants. Some people call that manipulation but Lily would call it persuasiveness. She is extremely headstrong and doesn't fair well when she does not get her way. She can throw a fit like no other but what's funny about it is that even when she's mad she's still pretty cute.

The Ugly: The morning time and when she's tired. Lily is a bear when she wakes up, in fact I would rather wake up a bear. The bear would only rip my head off. Lily would do much more damage if you let her. Rule of thumb: Let her wake herself and don't get cute with her...she's in no mood! Also, when she's tired in the evening - pretend it's morning and leave her alone.

Me
The Good: The above wonderful things in my life - Jesus, My family, my friends, the PGA and the Muppets!
The Bad: Too many things to mention but not so many that it matters.
The Ugly: Me in the mornings, my age is starting so show...gosh dern it!

Ginger:
The Good: Sweet and lovable
The Bad: Nervous wreck
The Ugly: Too hairy and tracks in outside junk

Snaps:
The Good: Sweet and Lovable and licks toes
The Bad: Horrible Gas! Toots all the time!
The Ugly: See The Bad!

I'll leave Ashlyn out of this since she only has Good and besides if I said she had something bad she wouldn't talk to me for a month.

Well there you have it. Oh and sorry for the delay in getting a blog out. I'm busy being in love with my wife, kids and dogs,

I love my kids, my dogs and my wonderful wife...I really do!!!

Brian

Kids are back to school

2007-08-28T07:32:00.001-05:00

CJ and Lily are back to school. CJ is a second grader this year and Lily is in a two day mother's day out program. CJ's teacher this year is actually the teacher Amy and I have been anticipaiting CJ to have since he started to attend his school. Though this is her first year to have CJ as a student, she has always expressed an interest in CJ and appears to understand him. What a blessing she is to CJ and our family! Lily's Teacher is nice too and very, very Baptist! That means Lily will not leave this MDO program without knowing every single Sunday school song, the books of the Bible for Bible drills and of course, how to prepare for a potluck dinner. Lily will probably start pronouncing Jesus with a country accent just like all good southern Baptist should.

We are anticipating our best year yet with such good teachers and the fact that I will be home more to teach CJ on his homeschool days. I think I'll have CJ call me Professor Dad!

I love my smart kids!

Professor Dad!

God's way of being in charge!

2007-08-20T20:57:00.000-05:00

Ok!....
Anytime one of my blogs starts out with "Ok!"<- this means that something has messed with my world.
Ok...so we just recently found out that Amy is pregnant. This comes to us as quite a surprise since Amy and I have been very good about being careful. When we wanted kids, we threw careful out the window and had kids on demand! Well, a couple of weeks ago we found out that careful is relative. God is in charge and when His plan is not yours then expect careful to be thrown out the window. I am usually very accepting of God's plan except when it interferes with mine and we all know how well that works. God is bigger and smarter and all that stuff but couldn't he just leave me alone and let me plan for the future the way I think is best for me? After all, I've got a good grasp of things...don't I?

Here's the deal!

According to God, no matter how good of grasp of things I think I may have...He is God and I am not! My job is to trust Him and obey Him and realize that He wants the absolute best for my life. With that in mind I have to look at this blessing of a new baby as a gift from God and as the best thing for my life. That's the deal!

What's funny is that my wife is quite accepting of God's interference. She has already completely decorated the baby's room, come up with over 20 names to choose from, figured out every single thing we will need for the next sixteen years of the baby's life and has planned every second of this pregnancy. I'm still looking at the two lines on the pregnancy test and saying "You're pregnant?" - I've got 9 months to come to grips with it.

I'll put sonograms and belly pictures up as soon as I get them but in the mean time pray for me and my grip!

I love my kids....all of them!

Brian

I made it to one of my two class reunions!

2007-08-12T22:56:00.000-05:00

Last week I had to make the decision to not make it to the Alpine High School class reunion. It was difficult because I really wanted to see my old friends from that school. For some many reasons, it just didnt make any sense and so I made the tough but right call. I was however able to make it to my 20th class reunion in New Braunfels. We went with my buddy Hal and his wife and 4 yr old son and we absolutely had a blast. It was fun to see everyone and to talk up the old times. Hal and I played golf with one of our high school football coaches and we got to see many old teachers and coaches during a tour of the high school on Saturday. They still remember us and it was great to let them know what they meant to us.

This reunion was really a good time had by all. Some people hadn't changed much and many others had. All in all everyone looked great and everyone seemed to be in good shape. I look forward to my 30th reunion, by then no one will care if they look good or not. They won't care if they have made it or not and certainly we will all be ten years aged with teenagers making us crazy.

Me? Maybe I'll grow up by then!

I love my old friends.
Brian

CJ is a Jesus Freak!

2007-07-28T07:48:00.000-05:00

Well it's official! Jesus has joined the official Jesus Freak club. This week Jesus decided that he wanted to follow Jesus and be on His team. This is no surprise for Amy an I as CJ has always had a personal relationship with Jesus. As far as CJ is concerned Jesus is his personal helper. That's because CJ considers everyone his personal helper. You, me, the President...everyone. Without CJ knowing it, Amy and I have heard CJ talking to Jesus and not just in prayer. He's had lengthy conversations with him. In fact, I'm quite sure that some of the conversations were requests from CJ for Jesus to banish Lily or spank me or for a new Game Cube game or something like that.

You're probably wondering what I meant by CJ being a Jesus Freak. Well, you see I like the term because it was given to a bunch of people in the late 60's - 70's who formed a Jesus movement that ended up spanning the globe. They were a major influence on the modern contemporary church and with contemporary Christian music. Because I think CJ will be a great leader someday I think he has the potential to be a major influence in the modern church. He may become the next great Jesus Freak!

Now for those who think that I may be influencing CJ to be a nut. Don't worry CJ will be making that decision for himself. He is the son of a wacko after all. I don't want kids or adults to think that he's a special needs child simply because he rants and raves about Jesus. I would rather people just realize that he loves Jesus and has the confidence to tell everyone. That's what Jesus wants and who am I to argue?

I think this is a great time to celebrate CJ's decision. Amy and I are thrilled that CJ is CJ and that he is a boy after God's own heart.

I love my boy!

Brian

Presenting - Princess Lily!

2007-07-13T17:25:00.000-05:00

When I think of Lily Grace I think of CUTE!!!! Lily is truly the cutest thing that has ever been. She has a special crunched up smile that makes her cute. She is small and compact and that makes her cute too. Everything about her is just stinkin cute! I absolutely adore my Lily Grace and today I got to adore her some more. You see, Lily is no longer just an ordinary girl, she is a Princess to the King...Jesus that is. Lily spent all week at Princess Prep School at Prestonwood Baptist Church. Princess Prep School is specifically for little girls about Lily's age and was developed by a woman who wanted to help little girls find their life's purpose in Christ which will help them build good self-esteem. Not that Lily has any self-esteem issues I'll assure you! In fact, I'd say that Lily dismissed that fact that there were a few hundred other girls at "Princess Prep School". I imagine that Lily thought those other girls were there to learn from her. Either that or she was there to beat up the real princess and take the crown by force. That's a little tactic she has learned from her brother. Lily is a very special princess to say the least. She's kind of like Tinkerbell meets Mighty Mouse. She's little, sweet, lovable and packs a mean punch. She's got that special fire in her eyes. See picture for details!

Lily has her daddy wrapped around her little finger as do my other kids and you know what?...I wouldn't have it any other way!

For those who would like to see about this princess prep school check out:
www.princesswithapurpose.com

I love my princess!
Brian

My Love of Puppets!

2007-07-08T21:31:00.000-05:00

Many of you know that I love puppets and puppeteering. I am still learning how to be a good puppeteer but I still have a long way to go. My friend Ed is a great puppeteer. Partly because he understands the dynamics of puppeteering and partly because he has a lot of wacky personalities in his head that need to come out. I too have this same multi-personality disorder but mine are chock-full of ADHD. In fact, my favorite characters are just like me...a little out of control. Speaking of my favorite characters, I've added a couple of pictures of my favorite puppets that I currently perform with on Sunday morning. Let's start with Fernando:

Fernando is one of Ed's characters but I love to use him on Sunday. Fernando's persona can transform any puppeteer into a mildly rude, egotistical French/Spanish guy with a bad accent. Fernando has a great heart but unfortunately has terrible judgement skills and no inner-dialogue so you have no idea what you will get on any given Sunday. He also can't keep a job...go figure!

Zany (First puppet on the left), my newest character is basically a reincarnation of an older character named Goose Goose - Below.
Zany is always positive about everything no matter what. This is part of my persona too. I'm usually positive about everything but not as much as Zany. Zany is always overly thrilled to be where-ever he is and every day is an amazingly great day.

Now as far as pure greatness goes. It cannot be denied that Jim Henson created the funniest characters that ever lived. Click on this You Tube link of The Swedish Chef, Beaker and Animal's version of Danny Boy. This may very well be the funniest thing I've ever seen. It made me laugh and cry!

I love my puppets - oh boy oh boy!
Brian

You are invited to CJ's birthday!

2007-06-29T20:52:00.000-05:00

It's official, everyone in the whole world is invited to CJ's birthday party. Yep, CJ has spent the whole day letting everyone know they could come. It's now up to Amy and I to try to find a place that will hold that many people. We're also unsure about how we're going to feed everyone but I hear Sam's Wholesale as a killer deal on hot dogs and cake. Just so you know, we'll probably have to skip the Bluebell and buy the Lucern brand ice cream. Bluebell is a bit pricey to feed 6 billion people. Of course, 99% of the world won't be able to make it so we'll only have to come up with enough ice cream for say...66 million folks. But you know...I bet another another 60 million people will have other plans and I have a feeling at least 4 million probably won't get the invitations in time. 1 million people will probably be out of town and another 999,900 more people will forget all about it. That leaves 100 people that are planning to be there. Oh wait! I completely forgot that out of that 100 people 75 of them have other birthdays they've already committed to. That leaves 25 people who are definitely coming! Cool!!! That means we can skip the Sam's hot dogs and have pizza. Yeah baby! And forget the Lucern - bring on the Bluebell. Rock on!! We can also hold a birthday party with 25 people at the bowling alley. Awesome...I love to bowl! Ok, so this will work out well. I was so scared quite frankly! Even with a Sam's discount, feeding 6 billion people would still cost me over $200 million with buns and condiments and cake. We just don't have that kind of money laying around you know. We'd probably have to work out some sort of monthly payment program with the people at Sam's. Of course, at $200 million we'd probably not be able to pay it in either of our life times, so I guess that the 25 people that can make to the party works out best for everyone.

I hope you can come! I'm sure CJ won't mind if you're there. Bring a present and you will be his new best friend.

I love my kids.
Brian

The greatness of Apple Jacks

2007-06-16T08:42:00.000-05:00

When I was a kid, my mother would take that ceremonious trip down the cereal isle in the grocery store so that I could pick what cereal I wanted. Oh what a glorious time this was. For a few minutes, I had complete control of my own breakfast eating destiny. All those choices, staring me in the face. Should I get Cap'n Crunch, or perhaps Fruity Pebbles? I certainly ignored all of those bran cereals with boring cereal box graphics....Yuck! The big honkin bag cereal - well that was just inferior cereal that the manufacturer messed up on and tried to sell in bulk for a cheaper price. They couldn't fool me, by golly, I knew the difference. Fruit Loops had Toucan Sam on the box and a prize inside! You know...when it came down to it the prize was the seller of the cereal. Sure, Honey Combs was good but not as good as Apple Jacks, it just usually had really good prizes inside. Sometimes you would actually get a prize that you could play with. Many times you couldn't but who cared, it was a prize and that's all that mattered! Now, I mention Apple Jacks, that's because it's by far is the greatest cereal of all time. A nutritious part of this complete breakfast, touts Kellogg's and I couldn't agree more. Ahhh...the perfect little green rings with red things on them that are so full of some sort of flavor. Not apple flavor, mind you, no the flavor is unique to Apple Jacks. Apple Jacks do not taste like apples nor jacks for that matter. Who Cares! In fact, they taste so good, if I was stranded on a deserted island with only one food to eat, it, would probably be Apple Jacks. You can eat it without milk and it's still great. I bet Tom Hanks would have loved it too in the movie Cast Away. He would have called the ball Jack instead of Wilson.

Ok, so you're wondering why I would give up blogging space this morning to talk about cereal? That's because my kids got up early this morning and woke me up so that I would help them get some cereal, Of course, when I asked them what kind they wanted they asked for the greatest cereal of all time...Apple Jacks. I knew from my childhood the craving you have for this cereal, even the slight addiction you develop for it and I knew that I just had to get up and get it for them. Both ate it like it was their last meal and they even got that little joyful smile as the sugar rushed to their little heads. It was a beautiful thing!

Do you know what else was great? I got a Shrek Knight Light toy inside my specially marked box of Kellogg's Apple Jacks! My kids are still digging around for it. Ha ha ha..they will never find my prize! Ha ha ha ha ha!

I love my cereal and my kids and my new Shrek Knight Light!

Brian

You can comment if you want to!

2007-06-11T19:47:00.001-05:00

Yesterday, my good friend Holly told me that I had my comments function turned off on this blog and nobody could leave me any messages or comments. Now that it is on I have a feeling my mom will leave me comments about what a whacko I am and my daughter might leave a comment or two about how cute her brother and sister are. I might also get comments from my friends who are building a case to have me taken to a crazy farm. My message to them: I'm ready to go...no straightjacket required...I volunteer! I'll just be glad to get any comment just as long as I can blog in the crazy house. It's the best therapy I can think of.

I love my blog!
Brian

A wacked out Friday morning!

2007-06-08T11:53:00.000-05:00

I just had to blog about this morning. We get up, I go to my Friday 7:00am Toastmasters meeting and come back just in time to take CJ & Lily to Soccer Camp. This morning however, Amy goes with me and so does Ashlyn (who's here for the week). All five of us load up get to the soccer fields and that's where the wheels come off.

1) The weather turns south all of a sudden as a cold front moves in and the temperature drops something like 20 degrees in just a few minutes. A light rain starts falling and the wind starts blowing like crazy. Amy and Ashlyn get huddled up with a blanket I just happened to pack on accident. 70 degrees in June...nuts!

2) I get a call from a guy who is at our house ready to take our blood and urine for a supplemental insurance policy I decided to take out. Ok, call this bad scheduling on my part, but I apparently did schedule him to come 4-5 weeks ago with the insurance salesman. I don't even remember doing it. He was determined to get our fluids so he actually came to the soccer fields and Amy and I gave him our blood in the front seat of his truck. We also ran to the public restroom with a pee cup and vials in hand. Crazy stuff!

Combine the weather and the male nurse taking our blood at the soccer fields and brother we've got ourselves one whacked out Friday morning.

I miss my blood!
Brian

Florida was greatness!

2007-05-19T20:38:00.000-05:00

Well hello everyone who reads this blog...oh wait I'm the only one who reads this silly blog. Who would waste their time reading the rantings of a fool? Why me of course!

Ok, so we went to Florida recently. Very nice!!!!!! We got to stay in a lovely condo provided by one of Amy's cousins who co-owns it and leases it out to family for the cleaning cost of a whopping $100. See pictures. Of course, with any Holt family road trip comes the adventure of balancing our zany-ness with the rest of the world. God it's good to be crazy! It makes life so fullfilling and fun. Allow me to highlight the Holt Family Florida Adventure...or the HFFA if you will.

Day One - Road Trip:
Destination: New Braunfels (Mom and Dad's house) to drop off Dogs, then down the road to Beaumont, TX.
Highlight#1: CJ tests theory of heat transfer by touching hot burner on Mema's stove to see if it was hot...it was! We got to hear how much it hurt for over 700 miles.
Highlight#2: Hotel in Beaumont is full of Prom kids running around the hotel slamming doors and partying all night so that I don't sleep!
Highlight#3: Hotel is free because of partying prom kids and Brian's bags under his eyes.

Day two - Road Trip:
Destination: Destin, Florida
Highlight#1: Trip to Walmart in some small town in Louisiana to get beach toys. If you've ever read my blog on Walmart you know that I believe Satan lives in Walmart and Yes, he was there that day too. Funny thing: CJ found the roughest, toughest looking group of guys I've ever seen playing video games and decided to literally move a couple of them out of his way so that he could watch one of them play a fighting game. I apologized nervously and gently but firmly pulled him away from them. They smiled with what teeth they had and in their Creole accent said "Ain't no problem!". I'm REAL glad they thought so.
Highlight#2: The condo! Pure greatness!!!! I felt like a rich snob for a few days. Shame on me!!!
Highlight#3) The Beach! Pure greatness again!!!! The sand is so nice and the water was clear. I felt like a crack addict, I wanted it more and more, the longer we stayed.
Highlight#3: The dolphin show from our back deck in the condo!!! Yes, we got to see dolphins jumping out of the water and smile at us as they did. Crazy stuff! I was waiting for music to start and a guy with a wet suit to come out of the water with a whistle in his mouth.

Day Three: The Beach
Destination: The Beach
Highlight#1......Do I really have to explain any more about the greatness of the beach?
Highlight#2: My kids reaction to the beach. CJ found his little bit of heaven. Lily just looks cute in the water as she does with everything she does.

Day Four: GOLF!!!!!
Destination: Golf Course - Any Golf Course!
No explanation required. Allow me a moment of silence to reflect on this day...............................................................................Ok, I'm back! Yes, Golf! The greatness that is golf. Sigh!

Day Five: Kids Activity Park.
Destination: One of those multi-activity parks with mini-race cars, putt putt and video games that takes all of your money and makes your kids all hyper. Yeah, you know what I mean.
Highlight: Discovering that Lily is the worst Putt Putt golfer in the world! It was painful to watch but, of course she was still stinkin cute doing it.

Day Six: GOLF AGAIN!!!!!!
Destination: Golf Course - The same one since I needed revenge after my first attempt on it.
I know this is crazy but two days of golf in the same week! It was like I died and went to Heaven. Yeah Baby!!!!!! Allow me another moment to reflect on this day..................................................................................Ok, I'm back! Oh Golf....sigh again!

Day Seven: The end of paradise!
Destination: Back Home.
Highlight: NONE....Because we had to leave and that's all I'm going to say about that! @1@#$$#&&^&*^%$ <- Me cursing!!!

So we make it to Texas and my wonderful parents cut off several hours of our trip by meeting us north of Houston with our dogs. What a wonderful thing! We make it home and sulk for a week but we are ok. We get to go back someday.

Ok, so this wasn't as zany as I thought. We actually had a fairly normal vacation without a whole lot of wackyness. Don't get used to it! After all we are the crazy Holt family from loonyville!

I love Florida, my wife, my kids, and now her cousin with a condo!
Brian

Smooth talking CJ

2007-05-09T08:11:00.000-05:00

CJ never ceases to amaze me. He is very influential and a master salesman. This morning he gets up and asks me for a bowl of Peanut Butter Bumper cereal. I pour it and then he tells me that I poured the wrong bowl of cereal. I didn't take that well and told him that he told me Peanut Butter Bumpers and that would be what he gets. Silver tongued CJ made me believe that I was mistaken and that he indeed had asked for Fruit Loops. Oh silly me! So because I am a gracious person and because in reality I wasn't sure what he said, I begrudgingly decide to trade out the bowl of Peanut Butter Bumpers for a bowl of Fruit Loops. CJ, quickly jumps into compliment mode and proceeds to tell me how great I am and how proud of me he was for getting him what he wanted.

Now take note of this persuasion method. First he asks for the lesser item (Peanut Butter Bumpers), then he proceeds to position himself for the upgrade in item (Fruit Loops) using the old Jedi-Mind trick method of making me believe I just didn't hear him correctly and that my feeble attempts to pour him the lesser item was just a miscalculation of judgement on my part. CJ then laughs off my indiscretion by allowing me the opportunity to to correct my mistake, followed by a cleaver round of compliments designed to make me feel that what I have done is for the betterment of all man-kind. I'm telling you, the boy is a genius!

Today, I walk away realizing that CJ is smarter than I am! Crap!!!!

The pictures here on the bottom are simply great influencers of their time. I think CJ should have his picture in the history books someday. The picture I show of CJ was when he was younger. He was silver tongued then too.

I love my kids!
Brian
I find myself thinking they might ask CJ to become the next James Bond. He can get himself out of all kinds of situations and do it within an inch of his life. I of course would be Dr. No!

CJ may someday be the worlds biggest life coach. He's so persuasive that even Anthony Robbins (pictured here) will ask him for advice.

CJ may be the next Billy Graham. They'll send him to convert the most dangerous and evil convicts into Christians. He's so convincing that the evil men will wonder what the heck they were thinking and find themselves preaching the Gospel in China or someplace like that.

CJ may become an amazing salesman like the great Zig Ziglar (pictured here). Like ol Zig, he'll make you want to do whatever he wants...wait a minute, he already does that. Oh my...there is no telling how influential CJ will be when he gets Zigs age. He'll actually be able so sell ice cubes to Eskimos for real.

CJ may be President someday, if so he'll make sure that every house has a video game console and plenty of games. He'll also make sure that everyone knows he's in charge.

My weekend with family

2007-05-07T19:13:00.000-05:00

What a nice weekend last weekend. My Mom, Dad and Ashlyn were all in town this weekend to visit and to celebrate my Dad's birthday. He's finally going to retire at the end of this year sometime or at least semi-retire. He's a stud and a half. No one has worked harder to love and support their family like my dad. He's one of my hero's! My mom is just flat out awesome! She worked her tail off cleaning our house before we had some guest Wednesday night, while Dad and I installed a new Microwave and oven that Amy bought the day before. My mom also volunteered to keep each one of the kids on two separate nights. That may not sound outrageous but she's dealing with sleep apnea and hooks herself up to a machine at night that helps her sleep. She's only getting a max of 5-6 hours of sleep per night and you know from my blogs that my kids are rock stars...so for my mom to deal with their energy and need to stay up late and get up early was a big deal. Amy also needs my mom for that motherly thing that mothers and daughters share.

Ashlyn was great! The kids absolutely adore her and want to hang on her the entire time they are with her. The time was real short but we had fun. One of Ashlyn's highlights was a visit to the world famous Sprinkles of Beverly Hills http://www.sprinklescupcakes.com/. Ashlyn wanted to go so bad she could taste it!<-insert drum tap here.

We look forward to having them come back very soon. My dad has to help me fix this house up and my mom needs to help me get this place clean. Ashlyn needs to get up here and help me clean the dishes! She's really good at cleaning dishes and making her dad sad when she leaves, not that those have any thing in common except that she's just good at them.

I love my family!
Brian

There's an airplane in my living room.

2007-05-02T22:32:00.001-05:00

Ok, this isn't really a funny post but I just have to tell you, yesterday Amy and I purchased a 60" large format printer and we under-estimated the actual size of it. I had to call up my good friend Ken from down the street just to help me get in to the house. It's 8 ft long and 2.5 feet wide and 5 ft tall....so basically it takes up 100 square ft of space. Here's a picture of the printer from stock photography. When we get it set up in our living room, we'll shoot another picture of "The Beast" and how it takes over our little house.

Holt Design Studios is bigger and badder then ever! Watch out world here we come!.....Ok, maybe Watch out Lewisville here we come!....Ok really maybe watch out neighbors here he come!

Brian

A family trip to the Zoo!

2007-04-27T14:31:00.000-05:00

My wife just reminded me that I should blog about our family trip to the zoo last Sunday. I think she figures that I will have something funny to say about it. Hmmm....Ok let me think. Let's start with the assumption that on a Sunday afternoon there certainly wouldnt be that many people wanting to go to the Zoo. Isnt that supposed to be a Saturday thing? Yeah, not so much! We leave work/church and get to the zoo about 2:00pm. We were directed to some remote lot outside of the main parking area and from there all the way to the back of the lot. We had to be one of the last spots on the remote parking lot. We dressed into shorts while in the car (which was acrobatic to say the least) and head out on our adventure to find the front gate. After wandering the wilderness for 40 years we find it. This is where God has not given any of us a gift. We ask CJ to choose a ticket line and sure enough he picks the slowest one. <- Yet again proof that he's my child! Ok so we get our tickets, we get in and head off towards the monkeys. Always great stuff at the monkey's. CJ feels right at home! Lily wonders why the one monkey has a big red thing hanging from it's butt! I tell her it's just a built in seat cushion. She just agreed. We ride the train over to the Texas themed part of the Zoo. We saw some cool stuff and let the kids play in the a barn/playground. Unfortunately we had to stop that short since some child decided to emulate the zoo animals and just relieve themselves on the floor. We're outa there! We then go and see a cool weather show and then to a part of the zoo that highlighted Texas animals. They were the ones wearing goofy hats and Wranglers yelling out "howdy Yall!"
We then move on to CJ's favorite parts - The Snakes! Snakes are just creepy. You can't pet a snake or play fetch. You can't even speak to snake like you would a cute fuzzy zoo animal. For example: You see a baby panda bear, you say "Awwww look at the cute little panda bear. (in a much higher baby voice) 'Hi little panda wanda, arent you so cute?'" If you see a snake you never find yourself saying "Awwww look at the slimy venomeous snake, hi little snakey wakey." You'd probably find yourself saying "SNAKE! AAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" as your run away screaming like a little girl. I know I would.
Ok so we get to see the crocs and the dragon (which according to CJ breathes fire) and we got to see the Lion. The lion was cool! He roared for us...no kidding a full fledged roar. It was intense...It literally shook the ground. This was a true highlight of the trip. Speaking of highlights, Amy and I agree that the funniest highlight was not an animal but instead something that CJ said. He read a sign that listed prices for different people and it said that Seniors get a discount. CJ read it like this "Hey look, sinners get a discount!". Now that's funny!.

So we ended up closing down the Zoo and when we finally got back to our car there was only 10 or 15 cars left in the whole lot. We get in and everyone but the driver went immedietely to sleep. I would have liked to sleep but they say that's illegal and somewhat dangerous. Why can't they make a car with a built in chauffeur? After all they can make a monkey with a built in seat cushion can't they?

I love my kids!
Brian

Lily's new name!

2007-04-26T08:57:00.000-05:00

Yesterday CJ gave Lily a new name when she was caught picking her nose. Here's how it came about. Amy catches Lily picking away and I tell Lily that it's gross to pick your nose and that if people see her picking nose they won't be able to call her Lily Grace anymore. CJ then completes my final statement by saying "Yeah, they'll call you "Pick Booger Lily" instead.

My kids are greatness!

Brian

One of the highlights of the week!

2007-04-20T09:55:00.000-05:00

My kids soccer games are by far one of the highlights of my week. Hurricane Lily blankets the field and rains on the oppositions parade. Super CJ is faster than a speeding soccer ball and is like a wall of steel on defense. Both kids are probably the top players on their team. I really don't know where they get it but I suspect from Amy.

We have games on Saturday, I'll try to get some pictures.

Brian

Amy and I having fun on her computer.

2007-04-18T22:13:00.000-05:00

Amy's iMac has a built in camera with some cool effects. We made several of these but I thought since were known for our toothy smiles, I thought I would show them off in a very special way.

I'm an idiot!

I love my wife!
Brian

CJ has a crush!

2007-04-18T21:39:00.000-05:00

No kidding! The kids 6 years old and already has the girls after him. Oh and not just any girl, oh no he's got the prettiest girl in his class after him. Ok "after him" is a relevant term. "After him" means that she is writing love notes to him and walking with him at recess. In turn, CJ has passed a few love notes back to her. It's pretty darn cute to say the least.

I'll post more as this little romance develops.

I love my kids!
Brian

No one is invited to my house!

2007-04-18T19:11:00.000-05:00

You read the headline right...no one is invited to my house! It's not because we don't want company or that we don't desire a hospitable house. No it's because our house has been taken over by one of our dogs or at least the smells of our dog. You see Snaps is the cutest, most wonderful dog in the world, she just has some gas and urine issues. First, she has a bad liver that we have to treat with steroids. The steroids cause her to eat like a pig and bloat up. Do you know what happens to things that bloat up? Oh yeah, that's right they let the air out. Snaps toots constantly! You would think she has woopie cushions attached to the bottom of her paws. The toots are rather audible and brotha are they deadly! In addition, Snaps also has a mess of big honkin boulders in her bladder that cause her to pee all the time and in everyplace. We literally have invested in carpet cleaner and towels. We're going to get her bladder fixed and then we're going to replace the carpet. Then and only then will we invite anyone to come to our house. We will still have the gas issue but for those enough to brave the smell, you may enter at your own risk. You will need to sign the injury waiver when you get to the front door -that's in case you faint. We have gas masks available for rent.

Notice the PB&J skidmarks on Lily's face. I'm sure Snaps was more than willing to help lick those off of her face.

I love my dogs!

Brian

I talked to my girl!

2007-04-16T21:33:00.000-05:00

I talked to Ashlyn today and she said she had a great time at her prom. Of course, I gently scolded her for not calling me yesterday with the news. After all I am only a concerned parent simply looking out for my kids happiness and well being......Ok, I'm lying...I am a deeply troubled, sicko father who wants to know how good or bad the hairy-legged, testosterone-laden, teenage boy treated her and if I need to open up a can of woop-ass on the child. <- Wait...I can get fired for those comments! Good God what am I saying? Look at me....someone call in a therapist! Breath Brian Breath!
Pause..............................................................................

OK, welcome back to Brian's rant...I mean blog. I hope you've enjoyed reading this blog for it may be the last time you do. Soon the police will be here to take me to jail for potentially threatening a child. I'll plead "father insanity"! Hopeful the judge will be the parent of a teenage girl and will have mercy on me. Be my luck, the judge will be the mother of the teenage boy that took Ashlyn to prom. Oh well, this blogging thing sure was fun.

Oh by the way, I'm ordering this book from Amazon. I'll have plenty of time to read it when I'm in jail.

I love my kids!
BDH

Prom was last night!

2007-04-15T15:19:00.000-05:00

Ashlyn went to prom last night....oh I'm feeling faint again....Ok I'm ok.....I hope she had a good time. I have to admit I'm getting over the fact that my little girl is not so little anymore and I can deal with boys showing interest in her.....oh boy my head is feeling funny!......I'm ok...I'm ok....ok...so..Yeah, I can deal with those things (not well but I'm getting better) but my biggest issue is that many times prom is either the greatest time a girl has in their lives or it's the worst time in their lives. I really want her to have had the best time. I haven't heard from her yet but I eagerly await how it went. I'll let you know!

I love my girl!
Brian

My two 20 year class reunions!

2007-04-12T21:55:00.000-05:00

I've just recently learned of my two 20 year high school reunions from the high school I graduated from (Canyon High School - New Braunfels, TX) and of the one I left in the middle of my sophomore year (Alpine High School - Alpine, TX). You would think I would just go to Canyon's reunion but it's just not that simple. I need to go to the Alpine's reunion as well and here's why: First of all I spent 5 great years with my friends in Alpine, including my Jr. High years when I was in all my pubescent glory! My friends at Canyon only spent 2.5 years with me and it took nearly .5 years of that time to get in the flow and make friends. Now after graduation I was able to spend some time with some of my friends at Canyon but only a few. In College I spent some time with at least one friend from Alpine...my friend Jasper. Cool name huh? Jasper and I were best friends in Alpine and we couldnt be from any different lives. I was the son of a prominent builder and lived in a great home in a delightful area in Alpine. Jasper's dad worked but didnt make much and Jasper lived in a small run down house in the middle of town. He grew up without many luxuries and he pretty much raised his younger brother. I considered his life to be sub-par at best. Jasper didnt see it that way. His attitude was that of a wealthy man with everything going for him. To this date, Jasper still has that attitude. He let's nothing get him down. He's been through the ringer and dug himself some pretty deep holes but he's managed to get himself out of them with a smile and confidence that tomorrow is a new day. That's a gift very few people possess. The only other friend I have that posseses that attitude is my friend Hal. He lost his mother at age 14 and ended up living with his Aunt in NB. Pretty much from that time on he had to raise himself. He had some very special people help him along the way but for the most part he cleared his own path. God was and is obviously part of Hal's life. Hal's attitude completely avoids defeat. He won't see it. Defeat is only temporary for Hal. Inspiring to say the least. I have other friends that are good friends but for the most part I've stayed closest to Hal. In fact, I'd say we're family.

I can't wait to see everyone at my two reunions. It will take me down memory lane and then some. I also can't wait to introduce my lovely wife and kids to everyone. I'll tell everyone about this blog and some of them may even read an entry or two. Most will not and I probably wont see them again until we have another reunion. I'll probably have this same issue then too. I'll post pictures of the events. Sounds like it will be fun.

I love my friends!
Brian

Sigh! My oldest baby is going to prom.

2007-04-11T21:22:00.000-05:00

This Saturday night my oldest little girl is going to prom..............PROM! I feel faint, so if this blog stops suddenly you know what happened. My beautiful Ashlyn is going to her first prom....with a boy.....aaaahhhhhh I feel the fainting coming.......Ok breath Brian, breath!...........Ok I'm back. I know Ashlyn has been out with boys before but I think it finally hit me. My little girl aint so little anymore! She's a gorgeous young lady with a wonderful personality. She's perfect in so many ways, at least to her dad. Now my gorgeous, wonderful, perfect little girl has evil ol' hairy-legged, testosterone laden teenage boys chasing her and there's nothing I can do about it. Oh no....there's that fainting feeling again....oohhhh oooohhhh.........

A very cool Masters.

2007-04-08T18:45:00.000-05:00

Today Tiger Woods didn't win the Masters! That wasn't supposed to happen. He was supposed to win and everybody was supposed to be happy with it. He hates to lose more than anyone in the world and you almost feel sorry for him when he does. You get that feeling he goes home without saying a word to anyone for days. He probably just pouts and throws his clubs all over the yard. You know, you can do that if you're Tiger Woods?

Now the guy that did win was this little Christian fella from Iowa named Zach Johnson. He wasn't supposed to win. He was one of those guys who was supposed to be happy with Tiger winning. I guess he thought he would just rock the boat a little. Good for him! I like people who rock the boat a little. I hope Zach takes his new green jacket that you win at the masters and sleeps in it for a few days. He deserves it. He played like a champion and he praised Jesus for all of it. He essentially praised The Master for allowing him to win at The Masters. This was indeed a very cool Masters.

I love Golf!
Brian "I'm not Tiger Woods or Zach Johnson" Holt

The Masters!

2007-04-05T07:12:00.000-05:00

I have a dream! My dream is to someday go to Augusta, GA for an entire week and watch the worlds best golfers play on the most beautiful golf course in the world. I'm refering to of course, The Masters. <- The Pinnacle of golf.

My dream schedule would look like this: Play golf Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday at three different golf courses- maybe 36 holes a day! On Thursday, Friday, Saturday and Sunday - watch and marvel at these amazing golfers at Augusta National Golf Club. It would be a dream come true.

I would be crazy to think that this will happen any time soon or ever at all but you know God loves me and if it's His will he'll bless me with this. Oh God Pleasy Weesy!

The picture is of the 11th hole of Augusta National. Makes me want to cry! It's God's handy work with a little help from some very talented men and mowers.

Thank God for TV - at least I can watch it for a little while on Sunday...I hope.

I love my Golf!
Brian "I'm not Tiger Woods" Holt

A great week!

2007-04-04T20:42:00.000-05:00

This week we celebrate the death, burial and resurrection of Jesus <- The greatest event of all time. Without the resurrection the Christian culture would probably only exist as a group of people who honor a martyr once a year. The word "Christian" would be rarely heard and there certainly wouldn't be very many churches. I don't even want to think about the state of the world right now if Jesus never came. Way too scary to even comprehend. Some believe it was all a hoax and that a bunch of ol dumb shepherds figured out a really good way of making money. I don't know about you but if I was following Jesus and it all ended at the cross with no resurrection, I certainly wouldn't have risked my life and gave up everything I've ever known to make up a story about how Jesus came to life and died for the world's inequities. That seems like a complete waist of time and possibly the craziest way to make a living that I could ever imagine. No, I think those dumb ol' shepherds lived through the most incredible, most beautiful event that ever happened. I think they gladly gave up their lives after seeing the most perfect person that ever lived, die a horrific death, get buried in a guarded and sealed tomb and then become alive again. They knew at that moment that God had given the world the ultimate gift. They knew the moment that they saw Him alive again they hadn't made a mistake. I would have loved to be one of those dumb ol' shepherds. They got the opportunity to personally hang out with God. With God!..Wow folks...that's just incredible to me. Just incredible!

For those who read this and think the whole resurrection thing is crazy talk, I understand, I used to think it was crazy talk too. It just doesn't make sense to "rational" people in this day and time but what's funny is that God knew that we would feel that way when he did it. He requires people to have FAITH. <- a dirty word in today's "prove it" culture. Believing the whole Bible is God's word requires faith too, that's why people bash it as well. They believe that the Bible was just a book put together by a bunch of dumb ol' shepherds and worked over by a bunch of greedy ol' kings. I've read and continually read the Bible and I've got to tell you, I will spend the rest of my life trying to get a grasp of it's infinite wisdom and won't even get close to understanding it all. For a bunch of ol' dumb shepherds and greedy ol' kings they sure were smart and selfless in their approach towards telling the world how amazing God is.

I love this week for the reasons I mentioned above. It's more important than Christmas, the Super Bowl and even American Idol. It happened 2000 years ago and it's just as significant now as it's ever been.

Thanks Jesus for what you did and what you continue to do.

I love My God!
Brian

CJ Astaire

2007-04-02T20:36:00.000-05:00

My son is really a pretty good dancer for a 6 yr old. He didn't get any talent from his dad, I can guarantee that! His mother has a few moves and is where he gets his coordination. Of course, she's perfect so that makes sense. Now I do have rhythm but I can't move my hips very well...that's because I have a big ol' belly in the way! CJ has not an ounce of fat on his body and is nothing but a solid ripped little muscle...that helps alot. CJ also has a bit of style in his dancing...just like Fred Astaire. In fact, I picture a young Fred Astaire at age 6 dancing all over his house just like CJ is doing now. I think CJ dances to get attention but I also think he dances simply because he feels the music and his body takes over. Lily is our singer and songwriter. She performs all the time too. It's pretty cute. Just picture CJ's face in the picture above. Maybe we have a little Broadway act cooking up here at the Holt Time Theater?

I love my kids!
Brian

My love of golf! Part 1

2007-04-01T17:44:00.000-05:00

This will be short I promise! That's because I want to share my golf-life with everyone. I have none!

The end!
Brian

PS. Even the stooges had a golf-life!

Hell-Mart!

2007-03-31T23:00:00.000-05:00

Today my wife and I had to go to Satan's lair otherwise knows as Wal-Mart. That's right I said it. I know it's non-American to call Walmart Satan's lair but it just is. Let me explain: First of all the Bible has many descriptions of Hell such as a "place of torment" and a place where there will be "wailing and gnashing of teeth". There are others but for this reference I'll stick with torment and the wailing and gnashing thing. You see while you're in the store rude demons often maneuver their carts down the same isle as yours and then stop in the middle and either make you wait or turn around. This causes you torment and gnashing of teeth. So you turn around only to find more rude demons have followed you closing you in..ooops more torment. So you get out of that isle and desperately try to find what you came for. That's where more torment comes. You see, the Devil knows that if you step into his place you're more than likely looking for two kinds of things and that's when he has his fun. He places one of those things on one side of the store and carefully places the other on the complete other side of the store. This is devilishly brilliant. This causes you much torment and teeth gnashing. Wailing is soon to follow. Ok, so you get the two things you need and go to pay for them. Uh oh...here comes the wailing! You look for an open register. Of course, they have 197 lanes and three that are actually open. In those three lanes there are over 60 people per lane, all with full carts. Can you imagine the torment those people endured to shop that much in the Devils play ground? Maybe the little smiley face was too much temptation for their pathetic souls to bare! Wait, what's this? The Devil installed self-checking isles. NO, don't do it! It's one of the Devil's many traps! He's just tempting you. Oh boy....he got you. You fell for it! You saw that only one person was in front of you and you took the bait. Unfortunately, just as you stepped in line, Satan tips his pitchfork and "poof" the machine freezes up. The underpaid and overly tormented Hell-mart "self-check" employee comes over to the machine and starts hitting buttons at random only to decide that he/she'll need to get his/her extremely underpaid, extremely over-tormented manager to come from a deeper part of the lair and help fix the machine. Observing what is going on (and realizing that it may take an hour before the manager actually shows up) you notice that another self-checking isle only has one person in line. Here's your chance, so you dash like a gazelle to that line with a bit of victory in your eyes. You get your debit card read and....Huh? What's this? What's wrong? Oh snap! You've got to be kidding me? This register just went down too? That's when you think you hear the faint sound of evil laughter coming from afar. You realize that the Devil had some fun on your account! He's a trickster that Devil! Now you can officially wail and gnash those teeth! Go for it! After all, you're in Hell...that's what you're supposed to do. Finally, you make it past the receipt demon and you're out of the store, you run to your car (almost getting hit three times in the process) and you get in. All you can do now is shake and feel sore from grinding your teeth so hard. You reflect and realize that Dante's Inferno paints the perfect picture of ol' Sam Walton's place. The picture is actually in the Sistine Chapel in the Vatican. Michelangelo must have had visions of Wal-Mart way before it's time. Notice the look on everyone's face. Next time you're there look around. Notice the employees and you'll see the similarities.

I know that this hypothetical situation seems crazy but unfortunately it often comes true. It happened just today with Amy. She went in there for two things and it took her 45 minutes to get out of Hell. No kidding...45 minutes! She tried the self-checking thing and got caught in Satan's trap. She came out with a face of horror. I waited in the car and prayed for her. She came out alive, so I guess the prayers worked.

I hope Target never goes out of business!

I love my wife!
Brian

The Birds and the Bees - CJ's version.

2007-03-31T08:36:00.000-05:00

First thing this morning CJ and Lily woke up and both ran to the bathroom to go potty at the same time. Though they've seen each other naked before, this morning CJ just noticed that Lily was missing something. Yes, you got it, she's missing her pee pee. He gasped as the lack of this contraption on Lily's body took him by surprise. To quote CJ "Gasp....LILY where is your penis?" Lily responded "I don't have one." As if he refused to hear this response, he repeated the question. "Lily where is your penis?" Lily not be unheard again responded "I've been like this all day!" Now finally grasping this tragic discovery, CJ then responded desperately "Do you know what this means?" Lily now completely tuned into this unfolding new story silently but impatiently awaits the verdict. "This means that you and mommy are the only two people in the whole world without a penis, and you and mommy will die before me and daddy." Now Amy and I were not in the room but we could only imagine the look of horror on Lily's face and the confused, jumbled up thoughts that were racing through her cute, little 4 yr old mind. There was a silence that followed CJ's response and then out of nowhere Lily responded "CJ do you want to go play cars?" BAM! - the entire Birds and Bees conversation was officially over. Off they went to play Hotwheels and without another mention of the potential tragedy that had taken place. That folks is pure greatness!

This made Amy and I laugh this morning. What a funny way to wake up!

I love my kids!
Brian

The Family Fun Time Cruise!

2007-03-30T09:02:00.000-05:00

Have you heard about our family vac....no not vacation...no our family tri...no not a family trip...our Family Fun Time Cruise? Oh surely you have? You haven't? Oh... well then allow me to expound. You see every once in awhile Moms and Dads decide the kids need to come along with them on vacation. Once they allow this to happen, then the word "Vacation" get's thrown out the window. There is no vacation about it! It's not about relaxing and letting go...oh no not even close. It's about bonding the family closer and "Creating Memories" as my wife would put it. So without allowing my self to sink any further into trouble with my wife with my sardonic tone, here's a very brief description of the Holt Family Fun Time Cruise with many, many details left out:

Day One: Getting there and getting on - Reletively easy and without trouble. CJ sort of looks like a terrorist but only when he's on the soccer field - Yeah baby!
Ashlyn walked around with her mouth open in pure delight. Amy walked around with a plan in her head. Lily walked around thinking about how cute she looked, CJ walked around with his "play-dar" on and I walked around thinking about the food.

Night one: CJ falls off the bunk bed, Lily didn't care, Amy and I lost years of our lives from CJ falling, Ashlyn probably thought we were all nuts.

Day Two: CJ discovered the mini-golf...this completely consumed him until we got off the boat. Lily discovered that she was the cutest girl on the boat. Ashlyn discovered the deck of the boat and the Gulf sun. Amy continued to plot and plan and I won the hairy chest contest...what an honor!

Night Two: CJ slept on the lowest level bed. Lily didn't care! Ashlyn nursed a bad sunburn, Amy planned the next day, I fell asleep.

Day Three: We got off the boat in Cozumel. Ashlyn walked around with boys drooling over her (a dad's worst nightmare!), CJ wanted to play mini-golf but had fun swimming with the dolphins, Lily swam 1 mile by herself in the underground river at Xcaret, Amy directed us so we wouldn't miss ANYTHING and I just carried the bags like a good husband/servant does. Did I mention that Ashlyn and I (my brave Ashlyn) who isn't the best of swimmers, went 20 feet under the water for 30 minutes and enjoyed the beautiful sea life with a Sea Trek helmet on. So proud of her!

Night Three: Everybody went straight to bed completely exhausted!

Day Four: Progreso! Nice old Mexican port. People were nice and not de-sensitized to tourista's yet. CJ jumped into the ocean without bothering to put on his bathing suit (yes shoes and all). He was in Heaven. Lily and Daddy rode a banana boat for a mere $5! Ashlyn just looked pretty, Amy basked it all in. Her plan was working perfectly!

Night Four: ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ!

Day Five: Day at sea! CJ & Lily enjoyed Camp Carnival. Amy and Ashlyn spent the day buying pictures - Amy was in Heaven!!! I don't remember what I did...I was numb by this point.

Night Five: Pictures were distributed and Amy was all smiles. CJ wanted to play mini-golf, Lily just wanted to look cute. Me? I have no idea what I was thinking and was probably a walking zombie by then. I have one picture posted of our table mates we sat with at dinner. Luckily, we were paired with another family that had their kids with them too. They are from Texas and we enjoyed spending part of our vacation getting to know them. I highly recommend Carnival for cruising with families :)

Getting off of the ship: We manage to get through customs without a hiccup, except Ashlyn was still red from her sunburn on day one and we almost got in trouble for trying to smuggle over a native.

Overall a really fun time had by all. The kids were great considering thier ages and the pure amount of trouble they had access to. Amy got to plot and plan and was so happy to do so. I got to spend a week with my Ashlyn and for me nothing could be greater than that. I just hope Ashlyn felt the same. It still wasn't my ideal vacation but it was a Family Fun Time!

There are many more pictures I can show you (thanks to Amy the photographer) but here are a few. Some say that I look like I'm in pain in a few of the photos. Funny...I don't remember how I felt at that point in the cruise. If I was in pain I was hurting with a smile!

I love my wife and kids!
Brian

40 people live at my house!

2007-03-30T08:56:00.000-05:00

Ok, this morning I get up and start working on the dishes and clothes and what I discovered is that there is over 40 people living in this house. I don't know where they all sleep or hang out but there is no way four of us can use that many dishes and wear that many clothes. No Way! I will spend today simply cleaning the house and while I'm at it I'm going to look for those additional 36+ people who live here. They have to be here somewhere.

Wish me luck!
Brian

The future of CJ!

2007-03-29T09:40:00.000-05:00

I've decided that CJ will grow up to be either: A senior pastor of a huge Mega Church, a very successful salesperson or an auctioneer. Here's why based on each potential career path.

Senior Pastor of Huge Mega Church: First of all CJ loves Jesus. He believes whole-heartily that Jesus is his personal advisor and bodyguard. He prays to Jesus for things he wants and needs and in turn pledges his love and devotion and promises to tell everyone he knows about Him.........wait a minute, I think that's what we're supposed to do. Maybe CJ's got it all figured out. I know Jesus did...that's why He loves the little Children just like CJ. They have the faith he wishes us dumb ol adults had. I think CJ will always have childlike faith. Combine that with his amazing desire to be the leader of what ever he does, his charm, charisma, extra fun energy and brother we have ourselves a mega pastor!

A very successful salesperson: Have you every bought something you didn't want or need and paid for it with a smile. Do you know why you bought what something? A great salesperson sold it you to you. A salesperson who made your decision to purchase that something the most important thing you could do at that moment. A salesperson who sold you themselves and not the product. That, in a nutshell, is CJ. He can make you want to buy stuff for him and do things for him simply because he made it seem like the most important thing you could do at that moment and because it's good for the great CJ. I don't know where he learned it but he did and he's good! The other day I found myself wanting to peel an apple for him because he made me feel that it was a really cool way to serve it and of course because it was good for him. I could hardly wait to painstakingly peel that dumb apple for him. He's brilliant I tell you...brilliant!

An Auctioneer: It's official, just today CJ successfully spoke more words in one day than any other human that has ever lived. No kidding...I'm submitting it to Guiness and see if we can get a world record published. I can truly see CJ up on a stage somewhere auctioning off high dollar cars or works of art. The funny thing is that people will marvel at how fast he can speak but I'll know that he always talks like that. If he doesnt want to be an auctioneer he can do disclaimers, like the ones you year at the end of car dealer commercials. Listen the next time you hear one, then it will make sense to you. The only problem with this fast speaking gift is that by the time you get through a conversation with CJ you need a nap. He wears you out and for some reason you love it.

You know after writing these three things the more I realize that CJ will probably end up doing something completely different. He'll probably end up as an accountant or computer programmer where he spends alot of time away from people. He'll have decided by that time that he's said all that he needs to say and decide to share his brilliance with only his wife and kids and few select people who know him best. Who knows, maybe he'll be fireman? Everyone likes a fireman! Who cares, just as long as he stays just like he is...a spirit filled, smooth talking salesman!

I love my kids!
Brian

My sweet little Bruiser!

2007-03-27T23:12:00.000-05:00

Lily is perhaps the cutest thing that ever walked! See picture for cute reference! She is so very sweet and such an adorable blessing in our lives. Here's the funny part, because Lily has a 6 yr old brother, she's also incredibly rough and tough. Her nickname on her soccer team is "Bruiser"! That's because she is a little bowling ball with the other players. If they are in the way, they get mowed over. Not that she pushes all that bad but she just sort of kicks her way over other girls. They come up to kick the ball away from her but it's like they kick a stump or something. The soccer ball is hers and nobody else's. So far in 3 games she has scored over 15 goals...no kidding! She would have probably scored even more than that but there are 5 other girls out there trying to do the same. In Lily's mind they are nothing but obstacles in her way, even her own team mates.

I'll update this blog with a soccer picture asap. You can see bruiser in action.

Here's another funny fact about all of this. When I was playing high school football I was a pretty tough player. I played middle linebacker and was known for my hitting and tackling. I even earned some honors for my hard-hitting performances, attracting the attention of some fairly respectable colleges. All of this to say that my nickname was none other than...you know it...Bruiser! I had to earn this playing football in High School. Lily is only 4 and has already earned it playing 4 yr old soccer. I feel sorry for those girls and boys that she encounters in High School. If she has a boyfriend, he better treat her good. Not because her daddy will beat him up, because my sweet little bruiser will. Girls will just want to be her friend, not because she is sweet, because she can beat up thier boyfriends for them too.

I love my kids!
Brian

Leap of faith!

2006-09-16T10:46:00.000-05:00

Well, if you haven't heard Amy and I are no longer working for Fellowship Church. That's big news for this family but maybe not a surprise with everyone else...at least that's what we have found out. So many of our friends have been praying for us to leave there and find balance elsewhere. Not that they are upset with FC but they were upset with how we gave up our lives for the church and gave the left overs to our family. So, basically they were upset with us. We finally figured that out. So, we put our faith in God and took the plunge. We prayed for balance and for change that would bring us closer to Christ. It worked! We have achieved both with the move.

I've landed at a church in Frisco and Amy started Amy Holt Design. I'm figuring out how to run a full Children's Ministry and Amy is learning how to run a business. Great stuff. The kids have really responded well to the changes and through it all we have prayed more, given up more, relied on more, and trusted Him more than ever. We have been rewarded with our faith.

This is a new beginning for us. Praise God for new beginnings! Hopefully more blogs in the future.

Oops gotta go - bed time for the kids.

Brian

My son is a rockstar!

2006-08-01T18:15:00.000-05:00

Which one of you reading this blog (BTW - you are the only one reading this blog), has a son or daughter who can stay up for 18-20 hours straight? I DO!!! Oh yes, I do. That would be my son CJ. He's the ultimate party animal. He wakes up early and desires to go to bed late. He wants no nap and if it was up to him he would be playing HARD, HARD, HARD until his body virtually collapsed. The reason he doesn't sleep is because he doesn't want to miss anything. He figures if he stays awake he will earn some sort of prize or something. Now I've heard of rockstars staying up for days under the influence of some sort of speed but you see CJ doesn't need drugs for his partying ways. He's been gifted with his Dad's early morning "rise and shine" craziness and his Mom's late night out fever. That means, at 6:00am he's good to go and at 12:00am...he's good to go. Some people need 8 hours of sleep CJ needs 20 minutes. I've mentioned this in another blog but anything this phenomenal is worth another posting, besides it just blows me away that he can do over and over again. Remember this blog is for my therapy only so please forgive me.

I've decided to post a picture of my family so you can see them. You can tell CJ and Lily are both stinkers but you will have to admit they are about as cute as it gets.

Brian

Let me tell you about my beautiful daughter Ashlyn.

2006-07-04T19:29:00.000-05:00

For 16 years now there has been a very special angel walking the earth. She lives in the New Braunfels area and her only job is to be beautiful and wonderful and of course, break my heart. I don't talk about her much in my blogs simply because she does not live in the chaos that is this house. That's probably a good thing considering that she would be the only sane one here and that's a lot of weight to bare for a young girl. That special angel is my oldest daughter Ashlyn. I was never married to Ashlyn's mom but we knew we had a special child even before she was born. Ashlyn's mom, stepdad and I get along fine and everything has been about as good as can be considering we are all truly different people. Her and Amy get along great and who can complain about that. CJ and Lily call Ashlyn "Sissy" and they absolutely adore her. They talk about her all the time and she has amazing influence on them. Ashlyn is a great sister to them.
As I get older, I realize that I've missed alot of time with Ashlyn and I think that even though she's my daughter, there's a gap between us that tends to hold her up from us being closer. I would contend that the gap is distance but the other is that she has a complete other life with her family that has mostly built her personality. My influence has been limited but many times I see a part of here that reminds me of me. <-Mostly that similarity is goofiness that she sometimes displays but hey, I like my goofiness so I think it's great. I think in the coming years Ashlyn and I will develop a really strong relationship and nothing would make me happier. When that time comes I look forward to learning more about her and I think she'll find me to be pretty interesting too. I also hope to get the opportunity to explain how God entered my life and completely changed it. I think for most people who don't live their lives around God, they think the ones that do are nuts. I used to think the same thing. I want to be able to tell Ashlyn that God is real in my life and if anything, He's made me love her more. I think she'll appreciate that.
I could go into all kinds of stories about Ashlyn but I think that she would rather I didn't. I will tell one however, it's about the first time I saw Ashlyn when she was a newborn and her mother came by the house to let me see her. I absolutely had no words nor could I keep from shaking. I looked at Ashlyn and I gave her goo goo eyes and she looked at me like "you're weird!" I think she may have even tooted and smiled a little...figures! In any case, she was adorable and angelic. I think she must have known it was me because she was comfortable enough to let it fly. All my children have done that with me. I must have that toot-able way about me...how cool is that!
Well, I'll leave you with that story since thought it was funny. I've posted a picture of Ashlyn and me (I'm sure against her will) so you can see for yourself how pretty she is. To her excitement, she is now minus the braces. I must say God has blessed me with beautiful children. Don't you agree?
That's all for now.

Wow a blog after 3 months! That's crazy talk!

2006-06-08T06:33:00.000-05:00

Hey look! Can you believe it? I'm actually blogging after a 3 month break. Actually it's not a 3 month break as much as a 3 month "oh my goodness, I'm freakin busy" time. This does not mean that the busy time is over, it only means that this blog found it's way from the backburner to front one. Let me tell you what spurred this sudden reaction. It's my son! Yes, CJ is back and more fun than ever. He's blazing a trail of never dull moments and he's keeping his mom and me utterly confused and completely delighted...if that makes any sense at all. Here's a highlight reel of the past three months:
1) He finished Kindergarten with flying colors...well almost. You see academically CJ is a little Einstien. Behaviorally, CJ is Curly from the Three Stooges. This poses a problem for some Kindergarten teachers, especially those who who don't think the Three Stooges were funny. CJ's Kindergarten teacher is one of those people. You see, CJ is a like his father and believes that he needs to make everyone laugh, all the time. In other words, I think in cartoon. So does CJ. He looks around his surroundings where ever he may be and seeks the opportunity to find people to entertain and play with. That works when you're on the playground or stage but not in the classroom. Everyday CJ would go into his classroom, take a look around and then.. Show Time Baby! CJ would whip out the top hat and cane and do one of his musical numbers...and that's during math class. I can just imagine what his little mind just thinking about during phonics. Teacher: "Class today we are learning about 3 letter words. CJ what are some three letter words that you know?" CJ: "Pee Pee, Poo Poo, POW!" Class: "Ha Ha Ha...CJ said Poo Poo!" CJ: (Grinning ear to ear) Teacher: "CJ those are not words! That will be 5 minutes off of your recess time Mister funny boy" CJ: (Not grinning) "Oh, Man!"
That scenario is really just one of many for CJ. He does similar funny things like that at home, at church, at shopping malls, grocery stores (read previous blogs), or any other place he goes. At church CJ's humor comes out when a song plays. He gets on his dancing feet and pulls out his moves. He's a cross between Michael Jackson and Jim Carrey. He'll do any move to get a reaction. Funny stuff! At shopping malls and grocery stores, CJ seeks out fun things to play with. Most kids do this but CJ has an internal radar so powerful NASA is jealous. He can find fun stuff a mile away and when he spots it he's like an Olympic runner...he gets the tunnel vision and you can almost hear the Chariots of Fire music play when he's running towards the "fun" thing he spotted. Nothing will stop him either. It's amazing!
Oh I can't forget some of the funny things he's been saying lately. My personal favorite was just the other day when CJ was saying something funny and I said "CJ that was just crazy talk!" and then CJ quickly responded with "No Dad that's not crazy talk, this is crazy talk: bugabagagurgleburglerackarackablahblah!" Now that folks is great stuff! Oh, and I can't forget CJ's recent entry. CJ asked his sister Lily, "Lily do you know what Proverbs 6:6 says?" Lily, of course did not know so CJ told her: "It's about God's ants. Proverbs 6:6 says they got busy!" Amy and I lost it! We laughed the rest of the day. What's funny is that he was technically right. Proverbs 6:6 says: Take a lesson from the ant, you lazybones. Learn from their ways and be wise." Great verse huh? CJ is right we need to get busy like the ant. He's so cool. He is the most spiritually mature boy for his age. He hasn't had to make a decision to follow Jesus, he just thinks that's what you do. Someday he'll know the difference but for him, he won't have to think that hard about it. I think he will be a dynamic Christian leader someday and I think he thinks so too.

Well gotta run. I'll blog again after Adventure Week.

Brian

Quick blog

2006-03-18T07:51:00.000-06:00

Well it's been awhile since my last blog but I thought I would sum up our cruise real quick by saying that it was really fun. Very nice to be on such a nice boat with such nice people. Amy and I enjoyed ourselves and made some great memories and friends.

Now, my next blog will be about some more current things that are happening in our lives. We have some pretty silly things to share.

Brian

Tales of the Great Holt-Ysses - Part 7 "Barbados"

2006-01-22T15:04:00.000-06:00

Barbados. A nice Island with some interesting history. No one knows why its called Barbados since it means "Bearded Ones"...Who knows, maybe the native indians had beards. In any case we enjoyed this place because we got to do Snuba. Snuba is a variation of scuba except your air supply comes from an air tank sitting on a small raft and a 20ft hose. You wear all the other stuff you would normally wear in Scuba and you breath like you would normally breath with scuba gear. We get to our dive place and get fitted in our gear. We go on a little boat and go out just a few yards from the dive place. We were told that there were several sunken ships in this location and sure enough there were. Before we get to that though I have to tell you about Amy's experience trying to get under water. First thing was that she had to get her breathing and ear pressure regulated under water. This almost didn't happen and after about 10 minutes she was about give up. Finally she relaxed and with her guides good patience she finally was able to dive. I was proud of her! A regular Jacques Cousteau. The only snag we really had was when Amy accidently kicked me with her fin and pulled my hose and regulator from me. I sucked in some water and nearly got sick. This proved to be a not such a good thing since the water that I sucked in made it into my lungs and ultimately caused me to have pneumonia a few days later. Amy was really trying to send me a message that I better straighten up or she will drown me. She's tough like that. Don't worry honey I hear ya!
So, about those sunken ships. These were probably all ships that sunk due to hurricanes or on purpose but in any case they were down there and all of them were cool to see. They were also good because fish liked to hang out by them and there were some really cool fish. Lots of colorful fish and a few eels. Eels are creepy but at the same time cool.
There were some other cool things about Barbados but I think the diving excursion was enough to talk about.
Next post. Going home!

Tales of the Great Holt-Ysses - Part 6 "St. Lucia"

2006-01-02T17:40:00.000-06:00

St. Lucia = cool island! This was about as much fun as we had the entire trip. We didn't know what to do in St. Lucia but we got off the boat and took on the huge huddle of excursion salespeople waiting to take our money and stuff us in a cab to some unknown destination. We decide to take a boat ride that would take us along the coast line to an awaiting cab, who would then take us on a trip to a volcano and a big waterfall. The boat ride was good but the island was great. Very tropical and with lots of mountainous terrain. We get to our dock and walk along a black volcanic sand beach to our cab. We get in the cab and drive to the volcano in the area of Soufriere where they also have a great waterfall called the Diamond waterfall. Amy got into the waterfall pool even though the water was pretty cold. She just wanted to say that she did. The volcano was neat. You actually drive to the middle or surface core of the volcano. It's not as you would picture it since its really not volcano shaped. The side of the volcano where we drove in was blown out years ago so it looks like a regular shaped mountain except it has an area that steams and has boiling mud coming up from underground. It smells like sulfur which smells like rotten eggs. Stinky! You get pretty close to the hot boiling mud but not too close. They had a tour guide fall into a boiling pit one year and it burned him up pretty bad. The smell of the sulfur made you want to snap a few pictures and get the heck out of there. So we did!
We then made to the Diamond Waterfall where we enjoyed the waterfall and a little rain. The rain was almost warm and definitely appropriate since we were, after all, in the rain forest. We left there and got back on the little boat heading for the big boat. We thought we had to be back on the big boat at 5:00pm and it was 4:00pm when we left for it. It took is 30 minutes to get back and we casually stroll onto the cruise ship with a smile at 4:35pm. We didn't realize that our departure time for the ship was actually 4:45pm. Ooops! We almost missed our ship and Amy's dad was pretty hot about it. I don't blame him in hindsight. We looked like we were irresponsible idiots even though we thought we weren't. Amy's dad still gives us a hard time for almost missing the boat. I've missed the boat before but definitely not literally. Oh well!
So we get cleaned up, have dinner and watched the nightly show. By the way we saw some really good but cheesy shows. Each one was at best, way off Broadway quality but still entertaining. The first night we saw the cruise ship on-board singers and dancers and they were pretty good. The next night we saw a comedian and he was pretty funny. On the third night we saw a little polish woman who could play the strings off of a violin. On the fourth night we saw a guy named Mario and his wife sidekick who did this variety magic, juggling, balancing and dance show. It was pretty wheels off but on the other hand the guy worked his tail off and for his efforts alone I give him a score of 7 out of 10. The final night the dancers and singers did a medley of music and dance from different eras and it was pretty good. The MC was this young guy who was very confident but always the MC...if you know what I mean? He's perfect for a cruise ship...again if you know what I mean?
So anyway St. Lucia was great. Oh and to my father in law...sorry for giving you the small heart attack. I also hope the therapist can help you with those constant visions of ringing our neck that haunt you in the middle of the night. Next stop: Barbados!
Brian

Tales of the Great Holt-Ysses - Part 5 "Antigua"

2006-01-01T18:56:00.000-06:00

Ok so I said in my last blog that we would be talking about St. John or St. Lucia in this blog part but my wife reminded me that we went to Antigua not St. John. I'm such a guy! Anyway so we went to Antigua and although you want to pronounce it Ant-ee-goo-a it's actually pronounced Ant-ee-ga. A nice little island. It's one of those English Caribbean islands in that it was the English who threw down their flag in the sand and said "For the Queen!" Like all the other islands it too was inhabited by some peaceful natives who lived a simple life but were basically booted out and Africans were brought in to harvest a growing sugar cane industry. I forget that if you were an early century explorer you basically lived your life looking for ways to make money. They didn't just sail for the fun of it. Oh well, imagine that? So anyway, about my time there, it was nice and it was the only place we really spent laying on a beach on the ocean. Here's the catch...our beach was only 50 feet wide and 100 yards long. Allow me to explain! We get off the boat and were immediately attacked by some island sales guy who wanted to send us clear to the other side of the island to a beach that was supposed to be too good to be true. I smelled something fishy and definitely expensive so I told Amy that we would just do a beach near the boat and I was sure it would be fine. So we find this other person who hooks us up with one of his relatives and takes us on a short drive to a little party hut/restaurant on this big stretch of beach and I'm thinking that we hit the jackpot. So we get out and tell the cab driver to pick us up in a few hours and head for the entrance of the hut. We get there and are greeted by another person who wanted to sell us something and we simply say "no thank you!" We get in and three other guys run to us and offer us lawn chairs and an umbrella. We find out that each cost $10 so we just opt for just the lawn chairs. I look up and around and realize the beach that we are allowed to enjoy is only 50ft wide and 100yrds long. The rest of the beach is owned by a nearby Sandals resort. We find a little spot (and I mean little) on the beach and get to soaking in the rays. Everything is great! Peace and quiet with only the sound of the waves crashing in. It was perfect UNTIL...we get our first visit from a vendor selling beads and shells. We take the bait and buy something. This was a bad idea. All of a sudden every 5 minutes we were visited by a vendor selling something. It ranged from shells to jewelry to aloe vera to hats and handbags made from palm leaves. We said "no" so often that the message became clear and finally they simply passed us up and quit asking. Aaaahhhh! Finally we get some peace and quiet. The sun was hot and the water was perfect. Let the tans begin. Just when everything seemed to be great we hear something in the distance and we see one of the lawn chair draggers heading our way with a whole slew of chairs and bunch of kids and moms following behind. They have more beach to settle in so I wasn't worried about them crowding our space until of course they parked right next to us and crowded our space. It was like they were part of our family and as a matter of fact they acted like it. The kids scooped sand and threw it all over us and of course they were LOUD! The mothers acted like the kids were not doing anything because they too busy talking. After a few grimaces from me, the moms figured it out and told the kids to quit throwing sand and instead went into the water to swim. We decide at this time to go for a walk along our 100yds of beach, however we decide to be rule breakers and walk on the Sandals side of the beach. This was the couples resort and we saw lots of couples. Imagine that? The beach was nicer than our little beach and they had water sports to boot! I truly believe we could have grabbed a pair of Sandals lawn chairs, posed as one of the couples and been just fine. Heck they might have even offered us a cool beverage with one of those little umbrellas in it. But that's ok, that wouldn't be right and besides those little umbrellas always go up your nose when you take a drink....I guess! At this point we were ready to go on back to the ship so we head for the taxi spot. By that time the 50ft by 100yrd beach was full of people and we weren't going to get peace and quiet anyway. The drive was nice until we get to down town Antigua. This whole island of Antigua is a little underdeveloped and the downtown area is really third world. The people seem a little more aggressive too. Like they go day to day to get thier next meal. They probably do!
We got on the boat. Got cleaned up, had dinner and enjoyed a night of dancing at the disco with a rotating bar. Amy and I were smokin hot on the dance floor doing some truly classic 70's dances like the "Shuffle" and the "Bump". We also did some YMCA movements to the Village People classic song. I must say that we were so good that we the ship's film crew came up and took video of us. Ok so they were doing that anyway but let me just assume that they were filming because they admired our fancy footwork. Fred and Ginger got tired early from too much sun and fun and wrapped up the night around midnight!
Next stop St. Lucia! Funny story about St. Lucia since the boat nearly left us there!
BDH

Tales of the Great Holt-Ysses - Part 4 "St. Maartin"

2005-12-09T18:36:00.000-06:00

Aaaahhh....St. Maartin. Half French & half Dutch. This just means that the two countries wanted the island for themselves and after wars, treaties and a whole bunch of fuss the two decided to split it. Ok this is totally my take on history but what I think is the Dutch and French both strolled up there to the island, stuck their flag in the sand and said "mine". The natives on the island just stood around and smiled. I don't think they realized they had been taken over for like 100 years or something. I think they finally got the clue when the French and Dutch made them all slaves and then made them over-mine their one and only natural resource on the island (salt) until it ended up completely depleted. The French and Dutch then made a "humanitarian" decision to let the natives have the island back and let them have their "independence"....all of course as long as the Dutch could keep their banks there and the French could control the real estate. So then you have a bunch of "free" people without one single way of making money on the island and they still have to keep their silly Dutch and French names on the banks and landmarks. I knew the French were sorry but the Dutch? What the heck? What happened?
Ah but the St. Maartinians get the last laugh. You see rich and famous people have a desire to find out-of-the-way places and inhabit them so that they can do what they want without the press finding out. Like a closet only bigger. One day some rich and famous people in big honkin cruise boats "re-discovered" St. Maartin and decided that they should make all this island their little closet. A few resorts later and a few deals with some cruise lines and next thing you know hundreds of thousands of people make it by the tiny island of St. Maartin each year. Tourism is the only source of income for the island so these people tend to be a bit more accommodating than many of the other islands.
Amy and I went on an excursion here in St. Maartin. We did the Rhino riders. What? Yea Rhino riders. These are cool check out link http://www.atlantisadventures.com/tour_info.php?site=12&tour=147
Here's how the excursion went: We got on a bus and a very informative driver told us the history of St. Maartin and how the French and Dutch did their best to "civilize" the island. It's from this driver that my version of history was formed. He was rather tour guide-ish with the way he led the tour but when he talked about how the French and Dutch basically raped the land you could sense a little bit of spite in there. Ok sorry, back to the rhinos. So we get to the place where we the rhinos are and we get a quick intro and rules of safety briefing by some guy who was built like a wall and had a great Russian accent. He was one of those guys that acted as the tour guide and complaint department...if you know what I mean?!? We get our briefing, life jackets and snorkel gear and then we head out on our boats. We got behind an older couple and for some reason they didn't believe the tour guide when he said the boats were like rhinos (tough and virtually untippable). So they decided they would drive their boat much slower than the guide. The rule was that we all go in a single line behind the guide and no one was allowed to pass. The older couple was right behind the guide followed by us. This drove me crazy considering the guide had to continuously slow down and circle while he waited for the rest of us. We finally got to our destination which was a little bay with black sand (volcanic) and shaped in semi-circular pattern. Because of it's shape they called it "Happy Bay"....I assume because it resembled a smile. We stop and our guide points out some people on the beach completely nude. He told us there was nothing to see there and he was right. Some old wrinkly guy and his mirror image wife...yuck! Some people have no shame! So we snorkel on the other side of the bay away from the "nudes" as the tour guide called them and unfortunately we don't see too many fish. We enjoyed the water and that's all that mattered. We get back on our rhinos and oh yea...Brian gets in front this time. We literally took flight this time. Those Rhino boats will fly ladies and gentlemen. We did a bunch of sharp turns and hit wakes and got some air. It was great! The old couple are probably still on the water looking for the rest of us. Ok, so we get back, say goodbye to the rhino's and get back on the bus and head for the ship. Oh wait, I forgot to mention that the guy the owned the dock and attached bar and grill was a New Yorker from Vegas who just "fell in love with the area". My take on this was that he was probably and ex mob guy or in the witness protection program. He just had that old mob look...you know what I mean?
So when we got back on the boat we showered and OF COURSE ate! It had been after all three or four hours and we were at least two meals down from our 10 times a day eating quota! This was our favorite excursion and we would recommend it to anybody. St. Maartin is a lovely island and the people seemed nice. If you go there, do the Rhinos and say hello to my new friend Vinny from Vegas!

Next blog will be from beautiful St. Lucia.......I think or maybe St. John. I'll look on the itinerary and get back with you.
Brian

Tales of the Great Holt-Ysses - Part 3 "St. Thomas"

2005-11-24T11:42:00.000-06:00

Ahhhh! Waking up to a beautiful island and a warm coastal breeze. St. Thomas was our first stop on our cruise. We were already there when we woke up and I decided that a morning jog was in order. I worked out, showered and ate breakfast. Amy just enjoyed sleeping in. We decide to check out the shopping in St. Thomas since that is what it's famous for. I think it earned this reputation years ago when it was probably actually cheap. Now it's just as expensive as full scale retail place in the states. Oh I imagine you can find a deal here and there but for the most part it is pretty expensive. In every island we stopped at the same people own the same shops, selling the same old thing: Jewelry, linens, liquor, cigarettes, beach wear, and overall tourist crap. Notice I put jewelry first, that's because over the stretch of 7 days we probably passed up 100+ jewelry stores, all with the same stuff and most with the same name. It would be like going to a strip center with say 12 stores and out of those 12 stores 9 of them are jewelry stores and 6 of them with the same name. Weird!

We ended up buying a few little souvenirs here and there but the fun part of the trip was going up on a sky tram that took you to the top of a tall mountain. Up on top was of course more places to shop but also a restaurant. We ate a chicken sandwich and listened to a one man band. The singer looked like Bernie from Weekend at Bernies. He sang island/beach music and was pretty good. Cheesy island songs galore but hey when in Rome!

It was in St. Thomas that you get your introduction to what was in store for the rest of the trip. Everything cost money and everybody has their hand out. Go loaded with $1 bills because you're going to have to tip everyone you get near. It's pretty amazing. Here's a scenario: Brian walks up to a local to get directions to the market. The local turns around with a "deposit cash here" sign and a bucket to drop the money in. He tells you where to go but before you know it, he has already signaled his cousin in a nearby taxi cab to come and pick you up to go to the market. Before the cousin arrives three guys have already propositioned you to go to the market in their own taxi. You get in the car and before you know it your giving that guy taxi fare and tip. Of course, he's dropped you off at a location where his cousins can hit you up to show you where you "can find the best price on diamonds". You avoid this place because if you're like me you don't have money to buy diamonds. My wife wishes we had the money but hey I also wish I was on the PGA Tour and notice that neither one is a reality. In any case, we run from there and look around trying to find a place to avoid having someone hit us up for money when we finally find ourselves in a safe place (so it seems). But no within 10 seconds someone will approach you about going on an excursion and the price will "only be" $120. At this point you give up and give the excursion man his $120 and he signals for you a cab. The cab of course is driven by one of his friends or relatives and you have to tip that guy! He takes you to the excursion and you tip those guys. By the time you get back on the boat that afternoon you have spent $1.2 million in $1's and $5's. I should have bought diamonds, they would have been cheaper.

Ok so we liked St. Thomas but it wasn't our favorite island. That's coming in a future episode. The next island is St. Maartin or as the French call it Sint Maartin or something like that.

See you there.

Tales of the Great Holt-Ysses - Part 2 "Take off Eh"

2005-11-23T08:08:00.000-06:00

Ok so were on the boat and we get all unpacked and ready to eat....That's because on cruise ships all you do is EAT! But before you eat you get to have a deck party with everyone one else from the boat. This isn't an ordinary party this is the Muster Drill. Muster-what? Yes the Muster Drill! This is a very special time where everyone on the boat gets to grab his or her life jackets and head for a specified Muster Station. There you put on your life jacket and stand in a big honkin pile of fellow cruisers. My wife called it the Munster Drill because one she couldn't remember the name and two because with the big life jacket on you, you feel stiff like Herman Munster. While you Muster you get the opportunity to meet some fellow cruisers. Conversations spark up and there you are....hanging out on the deck, elegantly dressed for dinner, having intelligent adult conversation with a guy from Cleveland all with this a bright orange foam filled life jacket around your neck. It's truly a site to behold.

Well we make it to dinner and we are sitting with Amy's dad, step mom, her two twin step-sisters and their husbands and five other couples who are all friends or relatives to the two sisters. 18 people total I think at two tables. We get to pig out on some tasty food and the service is great. Two waiters to your table! If you take a drink of water, they fill it back up. If you use a sweetener packet, they practically pull it from your fingers after the last granule falls. 99% of the crew on the boat are from different parts of the world. Our head waiters were from Turkey and Philippines. Our assistant waiters were from India and Dominic Republic. Only a couple understood English well enough to get by. The others simply smiled and nodded in agreement with everything you said. Everybody was great!

The boat we were on, "The Seranade of the Seas" is a mid-size cruise ship but you could have fooled me. That sucker was big and it had a lot of cool things on it. Indoor and Outdoor pools, a putt-putt course, a rock-climbing wall, a great gym and spa, a disco complete with spinning bar (cheesy but cool). It had a basketball/volleyball court, a complete kids water park area, two eating areas and a heli-pad for those late night helicopter rides we all take so frequently.

Well the time has come! At 10:30pm that Saturday night, we took off from San Juan and we spent the night at Sea. It was so cool to get our "Sea Legs" on that first night. Everyone feels like they are drunk but without the alcohol! The ones who are drunk walk in a straight line....it's a strange anomoly. I'll talk about the next day in the next blog.

Tales of the Great Holt-Ysses - Part 1 "Getting There"

2005-11-13T10:57:00.000-06:00

As with any long voyage, their is a certain amount of preparation that takes place in order to begin your voyage. For your sanity and mine I'll skip the week before the cruise that Satan hosted and dished out for us. Let's just say that he did his darned-ist!
I'll start with the plane ride to old and historic San Juan, Puerto Rico. We got on our US Airways flight with a smile and within minutes we were on our way to San Juan via a plane switch in Philadelphia....Yea that confused me too but you know how goofy the airlines are.

We made it to San Juan about 9:30pm San Juan time and then proceeded to the taxi counter located outside. Before you get to the counter you have to go through the barrage of "luggage guys" who are there to take your luggage and put them onto a taxi for you. They do this for tips but you would think they were doing it for steak. They are like hungry dogs attacking everyone who gets near. We ask for a taxi among the chaos and they make you pay for it right there. They make up the prices based on how American you look and how many bags you brought. The taxi guy pulls up, the bag man loads it up and off you go. Our taxi driver got lost to our hotel but we got to see most of San Juan in the process. Very third world mixed with modern day conveniences. What's funny is to see a MacDonalds with gang signs written all over the sign. That's not really that funny unless you see it. Anyway, we make it to the hotel which was downtown Old San Juan. This is the party district so by the time we made it (11:30pm) we were smack dab at the beginning of party time. That's right the beginning! The party starts at 11:30-12:00 and doesn't end till 4:00am or so. Crazy stuff. We are greeted at the hotel by Amy's dad and we promptly get to bed. Of course, I couldn't sleep but that's because of all the party noises. You know BOOM, BOOM, BOOM, BOOM, BOOM - club music. I was also very excited to get on the boat.

Next thing you know we are waking up. We eat and get packed and with some time to spare we walk around Old San Juan. The place is pretty cool because it's so old. Shops everywhere mixed with apartments and other businesses. There is this fortress wall built around the entire city that is at least 50 - 100 ft tall and No kidding - 25ft thick. It was really cool. Old Forts are at each end of the island. This was cool too. We ended up walking around for 3-4 hours and then we headed for the boat.

We get through the customs without a hitch and on the boat we go. We had a great cabin with a balcony...ooh la la! Nice furnishings and a cool round shower. So far so good.

Check out the next blog for more on "cruising with Brian".

Tales of the Great Holt-Ysses - Introduction

2005-11-13T10:34:00.000-06:00

Welcome to the tales of The Great Holt-Ysses! It's many tales of fun, excitement and adventure of our Caribbean cruise. I've broken this tale up into bite size portions so that those who actually waste their time reading my self-indulgent rant can digest it and not get too sea sick. These tales will be in chronological order so that you too can experience the thrill and chills of a Caribbean cruise as seen through a crazy persons eyes.

I hope you really enjoy taking this trip with me but I must warn you crazy people see things differently than the rest of the world so many of the descriptions or anecdotal visions of events that took place are probably less nutty than they really are.

So hang on let's set sail. The next blog will start the voyage.

Brian

My kids are NOT SHY!

2005-09-10T07:40:00.001-05:00

Last night Amy and I went to dinner over at a friends house and we enjoyed a nice time of eating and talking. One of the things I noticed which I always notice but it sort of makes me snicker every time is the fact that my kids are not shy. They walk into any place at any time and I truly think they believe that they own the place. It's an overconfidence that many kids share but CJ and Lily really have a bad case of the OC (Over Confidence). Like I said, I've seen it before with many other children but since I'm talking about my kids then all other kids don't count.

Amy and I've decided that CJ and Lily will grow to be great influencers and leaders. They believe now at such a young age that God created the heavens and earth and they've have been chosen to lead it all. CJ in particular believes that the world was created for his entertainment like some old Roman emperor and Lily believes CJ is only controlling the world until she is old enough to take over power. I hope everyone loves to play Barbies because that will be Planet Lily's new national sport. We will all have to have a Barbie just like a cell phone. The difference then is that Barbie will be changed to a "Lily Doll". It's not that Lily is full of herself, she just believes her cuteness is much more appealing then some tall blond bimbo named Barbie. A short, extremely cute blond is the wave of the future.

While we are all in the Reign of CJ the Magnificent, we will only be able to watch one channel on the TV. You guessed it The CJ Channel...and yes the programming will be "all CJ, all day, everyday, 24 hours a day!!!" We will be required to watch at least 8 hours of CJ performing for us each day. Another 6 hours will require each of us to play with CJ in shifts. 8 more hours will be required of us to constantly run back and forth to huge, honkin specially designed pantries and get CJ snacks. Each of us will get our 2 hour nap and then the day will start again. Even then, with nearly 6 and half billion of us doing all of this there is no way we will be able to keep up with CJ, especially in the snack brigade. CJ can eat trillions of pounds of snacks per hour and as he grows this will only get harder to keep up with. All of this will eventually stop when Lily the Lovely takes over as world emperor. If I was you I would get you and your kids in peak physical condition because the day of the CJ is at hand!

Ok enough of all that nonsense!!!!! I thank God everyday that my kids are confident, happy children. I pray that they grow up to love God and love others. That's all I can really hope for.

If any one asks "I am Sparticus" ......some of you will get that!

Brian

Ooops I did it again!

2005-09-03T07:36:00.000-05:00

I must be mad! I must have some sort of screw loose! I must be a few bricks shy of a full load! Why you ask? Well that's because I took my kids again to the grocery store by myself! Here I am writing a whole blog on it and how painful of an experience it was but I just thought I could learn from that experience and make this one a much more pleasant one. WRONG! It was not a pleasant experience BUT it wasn't as bad as last time. Allow me to explain. #1) I found the shopping cart that looks like a race car and in fact this one had two steering wheels....bonus! #2) The store was laid out like I remembered and I made it through in record time. #3) CJ did not run around freely, thanks to the car. HOWEVER! I found a flaw in the system. #1) The car is barely wide enough for the two kids. So imagine a cat and a dog placed in the same cage. Oh Yea, it was that bad! Those two kids made the ultimate fighting championship seem tame! CJ used his elbows like he was a ninja and Lily used her pointer fingers like Moe on the Three Stooges. It was nuts! #2) The store was laid out to plans but they only had two registers going so I had to wait for a good ten minutes before I started checking out. Ten minutes with Moe and Bruce Lee in the front seat of the little Nascar racer was like having someone slowly pull all your hair out! After pulling all mine out I decided to separate them but here's what's funny...they wanted to be back together even though they were clearly beating the snot out of each other. Kids are whack! #3) With CJ not running around was great but the noise level of the two captive birds actually echoed throughout the store. When I finally made it to the checkout the cashier told me that she knew where we were at all times simply by the sound of the two sirens in the front seat. Isn't that crazy? Oh but not as crazy as me trying this again. The kids are just kids, I'm the nutty one! Well I'm gonna go now. I'm going to try to glue on all my hair that I pulled out!

Thank you for shopping with Brian!
Me

Bedtime Madness!

2005-07-05T22:17:00.000-05:00

Do you have a hard time getting your kids to bed? Does the phrase "it's bedtime" always make your kids freak out and turn into compuslive whiners? When you finally get your kids to bed do they get up several times with multiple excuses why they did? If so, then that all you've really done is make me feel better. You see my children don't like to sleep. They've made an art out of not going to bed. It's amazing!!! CJ already an amazing salesperson can clearly state out all the reasons why he shouldnt go to bed. He carries a laptop and projector with him and gives us a powerpoint presentation on why he needs to stay up. Lily, on the other hand, just uses her "I need my daddy" sad face that girls use on thier daddies to turn us into mush. I've caught on to Lily's manipulative ways but not before she got to get in bed with dad a few times. Now I take her back into her bed, rub her head for a minute and then tell her if she gets up again I'll beat her to a pulp! No.....not really, but I've found that she just needed to try to see if I would turn into mush and once I don't conform to her cute little sad face hypnotic trance she simply goes back to sleep.

I have come up with a bit of a solution for those tired souls who have to deal with kids who like to stay up late and get up early. Are you ready for this?.................Run them until they puke! That's right folks a little marine bootcamp goes a long way! Just kidding but really folks, that's what Extra Curricular Activities (E.C.A's) were made for. Now, I know that Pastor Ed has said that we need to cut down on the ECA's but that's only when the kids develop good sleeping habits. When your kids are freaks like mine that could live on a 1/2 hour of sleep per night, you resort to military type tactics for your own sanity.

Here's another suggestion. Nix the nap! Can you say that after me boys and girls?....NIX THE NAP! Very good! You see naps are for babies! When your children reach the age of let's say.......4-ish (depending on how high energy they are) they should be kept up and ran like horses until their tongues hang out! CJ, for example, should have cut the nap when he was about 2 months old. His energy level is out of this world. I've always said that if we could run a pipeline from CJ we could power up the entire city of Dallas. TXU could change thier name to CJU and we'd be rich! Lily has alot of energy too but she needs hers just to keep up with CJ and as far as Amy and I go....well we gave this energy to our kids and we curse ourselves everyday for it.

Final suggestion: Water! Oh yes...water!!! Make sure it's pool water folks. You need adequate sun and some good ol fashioned clorinated water and wallah you burn half a day's energy. Scientist measure different forms of energy in BTU's (British Thermal Units), I on the other hand measure energy in KTU's...yes, you got it Kid Thermal Units. Lets say for example the average child has 100 KTU's per day to burn. My kids on the other hand have 900,000,000,000,000 KTU's per day to burn. CJ has so many BTU's that when he does swim he makes the water boil. Well not really but he can make his dad's blood boil when he continously runs around the pool when I continously tell him not to. God love him!

Now a quick apology for those one or two people who actually read this blog. Summer took over and next thing you know it's nearly September before I can write again. Thank you for putting up with me and my personal psych therapy I call my blog. I would love to keep writing today but CJ woke up and now I have to put out the flames on the carpet from where he dashed room to room.

Pray for me!
Brian

Children's Crack!

2005-06-15T23:02:00.000-05:00

WHAT? Yea, children's crack! There are drugs out there that almost every family household has and they may not know it. In fact, I've been working on a list of drugs that appear to be simple everyday things but are in fact "childrens crack". Here's two of the most notorious crack items found everywhere:

Water or H2O for our scientific friends - This little item is #1 on the "children's crack" list. Now I don't mean to drink....oh no I mean to play in. Today I turned on a sprinkler in our backyard and you would have thought I had threw a steak at a pack of wolves. My children were knee deep in sprinkler puddles within a half of a second. It's an instant high for my kids. You should see them near a pool...oh my it's so completely wacked out. If you've ever seen a buzzard fly in circles around their prey it's alot like that except the kids just circle the pool. They should have a 1-800# for parents with kids that are strung out on water.

Fruit Snacks - These little beauties could perhaps be #1 on the list but it all depends on if you have them or not. If you have them they can be your new best friend...that is if you're a parent. You can entice a child to do all kinds of things they wouldn't normally do with a pack of fruit snacks. You see manufacturers add a special chemical in fruit snacks called KK#2 or Kids Krack #2. KK#2 is basically sugar....ok it's all sugar but kids actually grow an addiction to it like crack addicts on the street. Pull out a bag of fruit snacks in front of a 1st grader and you'll actually see the child drool. Some even get the shakes...it's really sick. Lab mice on cocaine look calm compared to kids on fruit snacks.

If you child is addicted to Water or Fruit Snacks that's ok so is every other child in America. My kids are actually starting to freebase them. Well.....ok not really but you would think they were by how they react to them. If you can relate with me on these two "Children's Crack" items then please reply to me and let me know what your kids are addicted to. We can compare notes, cry on each other's blogs and if necessary go to a KK#2 Anonymous meeting.

Gotta go, one of my kids is getting the shakes.

BDH

What were they thinking?

2005-06-09T15:09:00.000-05:00

Ok, here it is the blog you've been waiting for.....the famous "What were they thinking?" blog. For some of you (my audience of one....me) this blog is way overdue in the blogging world. This is the blog of all blogs, so without saying the word blog any more than 8 times in one paragraph lets get on with the "What were you thinking?" blog.

It all started one day nearly 5 years ago when my son CJ was born. Oh what a beautiful day, a day unlike anything I'd ever experienced. I got to witness the miracle of childbirth, I got to show my son off to the world and I got to share all of this with the most perfect woman in the world. What was amazing is that CJ actually slept through most of the night his first night. I thought we had we had it made UNTIL (booming music ques here..BOOM BOM BUM!) CJ choked a little in his sleep and then something very different happened to me and my wife. Something very strange and very much from the depths of our souls. Our bodies miraculously jumped up with super power swiftness and within one second we were both hovering over our little baby CJ ready to perform complicated medical procedures on him. It was unbelievable! CJ of course cleared his throat and went back to sleep. Amy and I on the other hand lost one year of our lives right then and there and we had no idea that this little episode would be just the beginning of "what were we thinking?"

Now the hour glass of life has been steadily dropping sand quicker than ever before with the birth of our second child Lily. It appears that at this rate we will be dead before this blog is finished. I say this because our kids were both born with an innate ability to shock us with their "creativity". Just today CJ decided to see what would happen if he were to stick his plastic golf club into the flame of a Citronella torch in the back yard. He found out that he no longer has a plastic golf club but instead has a golf clump. A work of art in some circles but to me it was just another case of "What was he thinking?" My daughter not to be out done by CJ-angelo, decided that she would transform her lunch of mini-pizzas into a large single tower. It leaned a little to one side and yes, you've got it, we had Lily's leaning tower of pizza. I should have bronzed it and sold it on Ebay. I don't know what she or CJ were thinking but I figured both of the kids were probably just being under-supervised by their dad and I just have to ask myself "What was I thinking?"

Now, "what were we, I, they, and you thinking?" moments happen all the time and as the title implies they don't just happen to the kids they happen to Amy, the puppies and me. I won't get into Amy's "WWIT?" moments because knowing my wife she planned what ever it was out and like any woman's decision it was just supposed to seem complex and mysterious to me as a man. My puppies have had a few "WWTT?" moments but hey, they are only 90% human so they have the excuse of having a few of those times and it's ok. The other 10% of them is a dog with very high anxiety. <- Wow that sounds alot like my anatomy. Hmmmmm? Ok, well anyway so I'll just focus on me and my kids and that's because they are my kids and they are the reason why these blogs were written to begin with. I personally hope someone who is a psychoanalyst will read this blog and give me thier best assessment of my mental condition (wacked out or really wacked out?).

I have a top 3 "What where they thinking?" moments I would like to share and hopefully other parents can relate to them. From my kids, #3 is entitled "beach head", that's because one day Lily and CJ decided to get into a fight inside the sandbox. To me that's like getting into a fight with yourself. No one wins and the more you fight the worse it is for you. Let me tell you that sand has a way of making into places that it shouldnt. You've seen the 3 stooges skits where Larry, Moe and Curly get into a pie fight and all you see of thier face are eyeballs and hole where their mouth is. That's exactly what CJ and Lily looked like except that it was dreaded sand. I got to the fight too late and by that time....well let's just say it was not pretty. I could only look on with bewilderment and ask the "WWTT?" question and I still ask it today. It took me a week to get all the sand out of the bathtub and I'm still getting sand out of CJ's ears. Maybe that's why he ignores me when I call him????

From yours truly comes the #2 "WWIT? moment. This is a recent moment so it's fresh on my pitiful little mind. Are you ready for this?......I decided to take both of the kids to the grocery store by myself! For some of you this is no big deal and in fact you probably cannot relate but let me just tell you about my kids and the grocery store. My kids have found that if they act up in the grocery store, daddy is less likely to blow a fuse in public. SO, of course, even though I know they know this I thought this day was going to be different. I had it in my mind that it was going to be a strategic event: I would rush in, get my groceries and get out within 7.5 minutes, never letting the kids get a stronghold on the event and thus accomplishing the goal. The strategy was to quickly grab the one cart that has the plastic dual race car extension on the front of it so that the kids would stay in the car and act like they were driving the #8 Nascar. The other stragegy was to go directly to the isles I knew had what I needed and skip the ones that didnt. After all I knew the store well and I could probably draw a map of it. My final strategy was to completely get my kids ready by having them go potty before we went, getting them each drink cups and a finally a little snack bag to cover thier grocery store hunger. Buddy, I had it all planned out! Yea right!!!! As soon as I get to the store, the one dual race car shopping cart was no longer there. Darn....but hey no problem, I'll just live without it, I would strap Lily into the child seat and I would have CJ just run along the cart as I litterly sped to the isles. So away I went towards the specific isles I was looking for. I get to the first isle that is supposed to have bread.......uh oh....they moved the bread. In fact, they moved the entire store!!!!!! Every isle was different and nothing was the way it was supposed to be. It was like Willy Wonka had taken over as manager. It was nuts! I was looking around in anticipation for some fat little Oompa Loompa's to come out and start singing about tortilla chips or something. I can see it now..."Oompa Loompa Doopa dee do, I've got some refried beans waiting for you". It was just wierd and it was at that very moment that the wheels came competely off. I took the grand tour of the new Wonka Land Grocery Store and finally found everything I needed. Lily and CJ did an amazing job of pulling off everything (that I didn't need) in reach just to show me what it (unneeded thing) was. In fact, CJ was not only able to pull everything (that I didn't need) off the shelves on the isles we were on but before we could get to the next isle he had already pulled everything (that I didn't need) off of those shelves as well. Anyway, I was heading towards the final thing we NEEDED when the inevitible happened....Lily and CJ both had to go potty. Oh Great! So I head towards the front of the store (I think it was the front...who knows?) parked the cart by a vacant register and took the kids into the restrooms. I wont get into that fiasco but lets just say that Lily's hands got washed thoroughly that day! We come out of the restroom and head for my cart only to find that they (the oompa loompas) took my cart and put everything (THAT I NEEDED!!!) back into it's original spot. I thought I was on Candid Camera! Wow, that Mr. Wonka is a jokester. I bet he get's lots of laughs.....ha ha! Well, I eventually got everything (NEEDED THINGS) again and got out of there. There is much much more to the story but it's too painfull to bring up. I would need some therapy to get me though telling the whole story. All I can say is "WHAT WAS I THINKING?".

The mac-daddy #1 of the "WWTT?" trilogy comes from my girl Lily. Lily is the sweetest, cutest, most precious thing in the world but Lily has a dark side. Yes, daddy's little angel has a devil on her shoulder. This devil often tempts Lily to take little adventures off away from the rest of the crowd. One day this devil decided that Lily needed to go on an adventure across the street at my parents house. Normally, in any neighborhood to cross a street is no big deal, but not at my parents house...oh no, this is one of the busiest streets in town and people often reach in excess of 60 miles per hour on it simply because they can. Ok so if you can imagine, Lily sees that the front door of my parents house was not closed well and she decides to open it and head out the door. On that day Lily decided to be that famous chicken that crosses the road just to get to the other side. Well "Chicken Lily" manages to pick up an angel along the way and to the devils suprise she makes it across the road without getting hit by a car. An innocent bystander sees our little Chicken Lily, picks her up and walks around the neighborhood, banging on doors trying to figure out who's child this "under-supervised" one belonged to. When she banged on our door and told me she had Lily, I immediatly lost 47 years of my life "poof" just like that. Six wrinkles per eye suddenly appeared and all my hair turned gray within seconds. Now that I'm an 85 year old man, I feel like maybe I should have asked "What was I thinking?". I looked at Lily with such a mix of emotion but most of all I was thinking --"WHAT WERE YOU THINKING???!!!!!". She just smiled, never realizing that she had done anything wrong. That folks is just how it works. You lose 47 years of life in one fell swoop and you kids just smile. I think it's a conspiracy by our kids to get us in a nursing home as soon as possible so they can take over. Rotten children....God love em!

I have a sneaky suspicion that every family has a top 3 "WWTT?" list and it comes from a much larger list of "WWTT?" moments. We had at least two happen since I started this blog, but that's ok because if our family didnt have them I would wonder if something was wrong. Our children provide hours of entertainment for Amy and me and we love them for it. What's funny is that they get thier "WWTT?" inspiration from thier mom and dad......excuse me just thier dad. It's like they look up to me to lead the way for "WWIT?" moments so that they can justify thier actions. Yea, they have a few moments of thier own that not even God can explain but for the most part they just mock thier wacky father. So for now I'll leave you (my little dream audience) with a challenge. I would love to here your little "WWTT?" moments and see if it's just me and my kids or is there other strange life forms on this planet?

I hope you enjoyed this blog. As with any of my blogs it's all just therapy for me and if someone just so happens comes across it and actually reads it, then my question to them is "What were you thinking?".

Oomp Loompa to you!
BDH

Car Crazy Kids.

2005-06-04T21:07:00.000-05:00

One day on our way to visit family in Central Texas my wife and I decided that our 2000 Nissan Altima was not going to work for our family of 7 (two adults, two children, two dogs and one large Moluccan Cockatoo) anymore and we decided that minute that we needed a bigger car. So many factors when into this decision and to date it's one of the best decisions we've ever made. Since then we had to part with one family member (the bird) but we still have the 6 of us and we enjoy the luxuries of a minivan. Now I know what some of you are thinking. You're saying to yourself "Minivans are not me" or "Yea, I think I would rather have a suburban or some other SUV" or just flat out "Mini-van....blech!". Hey, that's cool but let me just tell you that our minivan is greatness and some real memories have been shared in our little "mini-palace" as I like to call it. In fact, our mini-van is "vantastic" <- Just a little play on words there....thank you very much!

I would like to share with you (my invisible audience) some of the fun we have each and every day in our mini-van. Let's start in the morning shall we? This is a time when our kids like to warm up their vocal cords and practice thier songs for the day. This is also a time when our kids like to warm up thier boxing skills and beat each other to a pulp. You see, our kids have determined that both of them cannot possibly sing at the same time. Only one of them can sing at a time and both of them believe that they are the ones who need to be singing. This leads into conflict and of course this leads into round 1 of the "Ultimate Mini-Van Fighting Challenge". In our right corner, from Lewisville, Texas, weighing in at I think, 40 something pounds, sporting 50 wins, 4 losses, at least 40 wins by way of knockdown we have CJ "I did it my way" Holt. (crowd applause)...In our next corner we have our contender also from Lewisville, Texas and in fact the same house, weighing in at......oh... I don't know something pounds, with a record of 4 wins and 50 losses, all wins by way of suprise attack - Lily "Baa Baa Black Sheep" Holt! (Crowd applause). These fights are usually short lived but pretty dramatic...at least for CJ and Lily they are. For mom and dad they are a whip. Here's an example, Lily decides that we need to hear "Baa Baa Black Sheep" for the 10th time and she starts singing it. Lily's rendition of it is cute but wrong - "Baa Black Sheep have you any wool, yes sir yes sir three da bull"....of course this infuriates CJ and he has to politely correct her at the top of his lungs...."NOOOOOOOO, it's "three bags full"!!!!! Lily then accepts the polite gesture with a strange look and answers back with a very loud and high shrill scream probably telling CJ "thank you for correcting me", but you can't make out the words so who knows. CJ then decides that we need to hear what "real" singing is like and breaks into song. One of his favorites is usually one that he makes up. He gets this talent from his father, who believes that any situation deserves a good song about it. So CJ breaks into a CJ classic (one that he just made up) and of course Lily is not done with "Baa Baa Black Sheep"....Uh Oh, you know what that spells don't ya? I smell a fight a brewin! Cause remember no two people can sing at the same time and since CJ is making up the words as he goes....well ol' Baa Baa might just get in the way. SOOOO, Slap! "Stop it Lily, I'm singing first"......Slap back(Lily)......"NO!, I'm singing first" This exchange is usually goes for a good two or three slaps before it is resolved by the OVERPOWERING MOMMY OR DADDY VOICE THAT IS SO DEEP AND SCARY!!!!! Threats are made on the children's lives and of course a peace treaty is verbally signed that allows one of the children to sing and the other to be hacked off! <- a great life lesson! And just think the morning is just getting started!

Round #2 starts when Lily backs out on her side of the peace treaty and starts singing her rendition of "You Are My Sunshine". Again cute but wrong....here's what she says:"You are my sunshine, my only sunshine, you make me hap-PEEEE when stars are great". CJ of course cannot possibly let her get away with destroying an American anthem such as "You are my sunshine" so he just tries to sing over her with "My Baby Bumblebee". If you listen to the two singing together it sounds like this - "ahamygiluyalukinkjnhuioplmnybmhthuuuujdhnsmllynluietuidpooosggfnkiigggbfytionosititugksn"
I've slowed it down for you so you can hear what they are saying...here it goes again:
"IIIII'm baa baa baby bumble sheep won't you my mama have any wool of me." <- Between the two it sounds alot like a record played backwards. I'll look at my wife when they do this and we both seem to have that painful, tilted head like a dog look. When the kids start trying to overpower the other it sounds more and more like a symphony of nails scratching a chalkboard. I must applaud Chrysler for doing thier homework and putting in "screech proof glass" in thier mini-vans. Some how or another the kids haven't busted through it yet. They've managed to make my brain explode but not the glass. Pretty amazing!

Now not everything in the mini-palace is all that musical however, sometimes we just have meaningless conversations. CJ is guilty of telling Holt stories. Holt stories are just like my blogs...long, pointless and without any real definite goal. The only difference is that his are longer, very pointless and without any direction. He's easily distracted by what he sees on the road and in the car so a conversation might sound like this: I had this dream ...................about a dragon...................I want fruit snacks......................I never get fruit snacks...................................(cry moment).................................There was a dragon.....................and he had LARGE TEETH (CJ will have big eyes by now).................and he...I want to go there.............over there...................(starts to whine................I NEVER get to go there...........................................stop it Lily I was telling a story.................... <- You get the point! By the time you get to the point it's the following Thursday and it doesn't matter anyway. Lily usually just breaks into song thus the "stop it Lily" at the end of the example. Amy and I imagine we have a sound proof glass shield like thing that glides up like an automatic window, separating the front of the car from the back of the car. I think limousines have them. They are probably called privacy windows or something like that. Of course, mini-vans don't have them and curse Chrysler for not installing them as standard equipment. They give you sound proof glass everywhere but where you need it the most. I think I'll invent something like this for parents everywhere. I'd win the Nobel Peace Prize for something like that or at least a ton of thank you letters from tattered parents everywhere.

Our puppies love the van too. Ginger and Snaps love it because it's like a buffet when the kids drop food from thier car seats and beleive me they drop some food. I'd say the Holt's alone could end world hunger if we were to collect all the food that has been dropped by the kiddo's. The puppies subsequently weigh 400 pounds each. The veterinarian starts salivating when we take the dogs in for something. They charge us $100 as soon as we walk in the door because they know that our dogs no doubt have some sort of fat dog disease or boulder size kidney stones or something. They also already know our dogs are being overfed by our children.The receptionists take one look at the dogs and say "Mini-van huh?"...I mean they just know. In any case when the van door opens the dogs come a runnin! You would think there is this old time camp cook standing at the van door ringing his triangle bell and yelling "come and get it". The dogs leave skid marks making thier way to the van....not from thier feet but from thier bellies dragging the ground. We're going to have to put those dogs on the "South Paw Diet".

The last really great thing about the mini-palace is the sheer amount of "junk" it will hold. I once packed our entire house inside the mini-van, couches, refrigerators and all. Ok, not really but it just seemed like it. The van has hidden areas all over the place and of course if there's space, we've found it and stuffed something in it. The middle area between the front bucket seats regurly holds a mountain of..............well I don't know but it's a mountain and last week we had some climbers try to scale it but I heard they got buried in an avalanche. Now my wife says she has it all organized and knows what it all is but the other day I wasn't so sure when I found another mini-van inside the pile.

We'll I have to go now. I've got to load up the kids and all our stuff inside the van and head out to work. I'm looking forward to some good ol' fashion family war time fun with the kids. Lily is ready to share her rendition of "Mary Had a Little Lamb" and CJ is all over his new hit song "I want fruit snacks". In the meantime, I'm working on that potentially life saving invention for all parents....the "Auto retracting, upper cabin, sound proof window". It may take a few years and by then we'll have a different car. It will probably be something a little more hip though, because you know that there is a point where kids are embarassed by the car you drive. We may have to buy a cool SUV or some other non-van related vehicle. I also think the music will change then too. "Mary Had a Little Lamb" will change to some hip hop song and "I Want Fruit Snacks" will go down in history as a one hit wonder. I guess I'll just shut up and savor how precious my kids little voices are. Oh by the way, I'm thinking about calling my invention "Sanity Glass" what do you think?

Baa Baa!
Brian

Kids Dictionary

2005-06-04T10:38:00.000-05:00

This is a quick post on some of the cute things my kids have said in the past and what they were trying to say. Also included are some phrases that have been said that I found to be pretty cute.

Here goes:

Root Poops = Fruit Loops > as in "I want some root poops"

Blik Blok Blag = Zip Lock Bag > as in "I want some root poops in a blik blok Blag"

Ca Ca Ca Coon - Name for the Chrysilis Flower.........Dont ask!

Le La = Love You > as in "Le La Daddy" ...of course!

Nute Naks = Fruit Snacks

Flute Plop = Fruit Pop

Slip Slops - Flip Flops

"I want to brush my deeth with poothtaste" - I guess this is after you've had a blik blok blag full of nute naks or root poops.

CJ woke up one morning, ran out of bed to me and said" My eyes had a dream about girl trees and spiders". <- Now that's creative!

There are scores of other things the kids have said but I said this would be quick so for now this is what you (my non-existant audience) get.

Le La
Brian

The Amazing Bathroom.

2005-05-30T11:19:00.000-05:00

Did you guys know that Disneyland is NOT the greatest kids place on this planet? No, not Chucky Cheese's, not Six Flags, not even Sea World (which appeared in one of my other blogs). No folks the greatest kid place in the whole wide world is your very own bathroom. That's right, the place where memories are made. Where porcelain, marble and mirror change our lives forever. Let me tell you why I've come to this conclusion. You see my kids are fascinated with the bathroom or at least the concept of one single place where you can play in three forms of water. The sink, the tub and, you guessed it, the toilet...It's like a mini water park. When your children potty train you learn to deal with the sound, sight, feel and smell of your child's waste matter <- (a nice word for poop and pee). It's like God miraculously gives you this strange ability to deal with it. I'll call this the "Doody Sense". It's not like the sense of smell or eyesight instead it's more like something that alters our other five senses so that they are not as sensitive or grossed out to your child's "doody". We get the "Doody Sense" the moment our children come out of the womb. I know this first hand because my children were quick to get some doody out and I stepped right up and changed them like it was nothing. It's weird! Now other peoples children sort of stump the "Doody Sense" a little and you can still get grossed out a changing other kids diapers. For some strange reason your own childs doody sort of seems like your own so you don't mind messing with it. That's part of the "Doody Sense". In fact the "Doody Sense" works on other bodily fluids too. I could list all of those out but you know what I'm talking about. I don't get it but it the "Doody Sense" makes it all right for your kids to spew all over you. You're baby spews on you and they are still your little angel. Have another kid spew on you and they are the Devil. It's the "Doody Sense" folks - plain and simple!

The reason I bring all this up is because my kids have been known to do thier best "exploring" in the bathroom. They've realized that the sink is a great place to sit in. They've realized that the tub is only a temporary holding place for water until it can make it to the other side of the tub where the rugs and tile are. They've also realized that the toilet can and will hold a full roll of toilet paper. It won't flush but that's not thier concern, that's for Daddy to worry about. It is after all "toilet" paper....doesnt the paper want to go into it's home? If you think about it toilet paper is a fascinating thing. How do they roll it all up like that? Well my investigative kids have tried desperately to solve this mystery by unraveling a roll several times in hopes that they will find some sort of sacred words scrolled on the paper revealing the toilet rolls long lost secret. Again, leaving the unrolled paper is not my kids concern, it's mommy or daddy's, after all they put that roll there in the first place.

Other than the water rides that the bathroom holds, it seems to always have the one stray tube of toothpaste or hair gel or shaving cream left out by some silly parent. When these little jewels are found they are at least a good 20 minutes of fun for our kids. Have you seen what hair gel looks like rubbed all over your child's arms and legs? Shiny and sticky! Have you ever seen a good shaving cream hat? Foamy and white! Have you ever had a toothpaste-sicle? mmmm..Minty! When kids pull out all the floss from its container its not just the floss that becomes all tangled, you kids join in the fun too. I would love to think between the toothpaste-sicle and the 50 yards of dental floss that my kids are just trying to prevent tooth decay. Oh no, oral hygiene is not on the kiddo's plan folks.... it's just good old fashioned bathroom fun!

By the way, when children paint your bathroom with any and or all of the above mentioned things they feel a sense of accomplishment. We as parents feel a sense of something too but it's not accomplishment, oh no, its much much different. A sense of rage comes into mind for me, but that quickly changes to a sort of confusion or even amazement. I look at my kids with my painfull face, turn my head like a confused dog and ask that repeated question - "what were you thinking?" It's a question that often begs to be asked and one that usually doesnt get a logical answer. There's a whole blog full of "What were you thinking?" coming in the near future.

Oh yea, one of the best attractions of the bathroom fun park is the house of mirrors. Your bathroom mirror is the first place kids usually get to see themselves and thus find a lifelong friend. My son CJ loves to look in the mirror and make faces at his best friend, which of course is him. Lily and her best friend (her) love to look at CJ's best friend (him) make faces at CJ. Get it? They laugh at themselves like there's a comedian on stage. They once in awhile slap at their friends but its usually only after they've been sitting in the sink (another water park favorite) and have hair gel or something slimy on their hands so that they leave a mark on the glass. Again this slimy little hand mark is not thier concern. It is always mommy and daddy's problem. The mirror holds the secret to your child's second personality. You know the one that makes you ask "what were you thinking?"

Now to end this blog I must confess that I too find the bathroom to be a sacred place. For me it sort of presents itself as a place of solitude even if it's for a minute. It can however be a place where solitude can quickly change to anger if I forget to lock the door. I've forgotten to lock up from time to time and what's funny is that I believe the door knob sent out a radio transmission to my kids brain letting them know I am was in there and that they should make a suprise visit. You know how fun those suprise visits can be? Ha Ha! Love those little suprises!!!! YEA...anyway, I love my kids and I'm glad they find the bathroom so amusing but I think I need to invest in a swimming pool. For now, I'll try to keep some dry towels handy and remember stay out of the spash zone.

Sincerely yours,
Brian Holt
Director - Six Potty's Over Texas!

Why are we so freakin tired?

2005-05-27T12:09:00.000-05:00

I think modern science is great and it seems to have endless possibilities but why on earth can't they (scientist) come up with a safe way to give parents more energy? I mean really! Is there a conspiracy to lower the average age of death in this country or something? I'm convinced, my children require maybe 30 minutes of sleep at night. No kidding! I'm also convinced that CJ dreams about waking up and Lily just closes her eyes to make us think she is sleeping. Amy and I cursed our kids (and ourselves) with lots of energy but there is a limit to the amount mom and dad have. We are tapped out! The river is dry! Lights out in London! The king has left the building! There is no more pu pu on this platter! My kids on the other hand are like Duracell batteries. They keep going and going and going....aaarrgghh! I'm thinking about tattooing a plus sign on their foreheads and minus sign on their ankles. So much energy so little time!

Of course, I remember when we had energy....we were young and full of life. Now we ...Excuse me...I am old and abused!!!! Our....excuse me again...MY shriveled up body is slowly deteriorating. My eyelids are like slabs of meat hanging from my forehead while my eyes burn like lava. Amy has the advantage of looking younger than she is and her beauty is never fleeting but don't let that fool you. You give her the opportunity to take a nap and baby it's lights out. She's so tired she could sleep on a round rock. It's amazing and I'm envious!

Now for those "prep for parenting" parents out there that are shaking their heads at me right now, let me just tell you that we too followed the same "prep" program from day 1 for both children. They go to bed at a decent hour, they don't eat too late and they don't sleep in our bed. For all practical purposes they should sleep great every night and sometimes they do but way too often they wake up in the middle of the night ready to run the 100 meter dash or slay a dragon or something strange like that. It's just weird!

I think that as a parent of over-energized kids it's my duty to come up with something that is safe and effective in getting kids to sleep all night. No, not a drug, not hypnotherapy, no instead something that can be controlled by parents and is safe for the children. Wait, I've got it! We can build an underground lair where we can send the kids at night. That's it! And every night we can put our children into capsules, like the banks have only bigger and send them down a large tube into the lair. The tube will open up to a completely padded room and voila the kids are officially in bed. It's perfect! Oh and the best part is that the room is soundproof! Oh this is good! The kids can go nuts and we won't be able to hear them! OH HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! What a brilliant plan! Don't you agree? You'd be lying if you didn't.

Uh Oh! I just thought of something. We can't build an underground lair...Heck we can't even build underground tornado shelters in North Texas. It would have to be above ground and I know my son, he would find a way to get out of it! Darn! I thought I had something there. Oh well, back to the drawing board! You know the more I think about it the more I guess it's really temporary. In fact, when the kids are teenagers I'll probably beg for them to wake up in the mornings and to come out of their rooms. Isn't that crazy? I guess until then I can deal with the fact that I'm aging like a steak and that my eyes are in Hell. Things could be worse! But you know what?, I think that I'll pray anyway!

My Prayer: God, if you're listening would you please send down your duct tape angels and strap my kids in bed? Oh and because you are a God of mercy will you please heal my eyelids!
Amen!

BDH

PS. Does anyone have a good pick and shovel?

The Holts Rock Sea World

2005-05-16T21:50:00.000-05:00

It's not officially on CNN yet but within a week or two the news will finally report how one family came into Sea World San Antonio and took the place over. No, not by force but rather by the shear amount of energy and cash that was distributed within the confines of a place Shamu calls home aka Sea World.

Oh yes folks Vinni, Viddi, Vicci or We Came, We Saw, We Conquered. Actually I saw this on a t-shirt while at the famed amusement park so I borrowed it for this blog. We purchased season tickets only because it makes sense if you plan to go more than once and just so happens we went both Saturday and Sunday. We went ahead and bought the season parking pass and we purchased one of their overpriced Shamu cups and refilled it a number of times. We bought lunch there on Saturday and of course stupid me had to get a locker thinking we would need it. Overall after all the tickets, passes, lunch, refills, gas to get to and fro and, of course silly little expenses like flip flops, visors, a "must have" water camera and evening meal the bill came out to $470,897,976.07. Amy felt it was a deal since we didn't spend the full 500,000,000.00 that I had predicted. I sold a kidney and an arm but that's ok because with the $29,102,023.93 that Amy said we "saved" I can probably buy an arm and kidney off of one of the other fools who go to Sea World this year. It's just money right?

Oh well, why don't I tell you about our whale of a tale at Sea World. We arrived a little later in the morning than we hoped (imagine that) and we met up with our good friends the Jordans at the dolphin petting tank. I personally was already whipped by this point only because it seemed like it took a week to get there from New Braunfels. You see we had to "zip" into at Walmart "real quick" to get our "must have"water camera and about an hour later Amy came out with a couple of grocery carts full of beach wear. I thought maybe for a minute we were going to become street vendors and sell flip flops and beach towels from the side of the road. In any case, after I loaded up the Uhaul trailer with all the beach goods, we took off once again towards Sea World. When we arrived negotiated with the parking guy for a few minutes trying to get a good deal on parking and he gladly declined to negotiate and just took my money from my hand like he was snatching candy from a baby and so we move on. We park and unload the van and Uhaul into two strollers and carry bags. We looked like a parade coming down Shamu street complete with float size strollers and clowns (me). I looked like a clown because with the weight of the carry bags my face was red and the veins in my neck and forehead made me look like one of those clowns that scare all the children....you know the one that is really just an old man in a pile of makeup who looks like he smokes 2 packs a day! Anyway, we made it to the front gate of Sea World and without going into painful detail went from line to line trying to figure out how to get in. After all Amy the event planner was proactive and purchased our season passes online. Heck we figured that because we were so freakin cool, Sea World would have one of those "express lanes" where all the really savvy online buyers could zip in and be in the park in a matter of seconds. Yea right! We spent another 30 minutes just trying to locate that express lane. So much for that. But hey we did make it in only after a strip search and good fingerprinting. The cavity search was optional but we didn't have time.

So back to the Jordans. We find them at the dolphin tank and from there we head to the famed Shamu show. Man that was cool! Literally. We sat in the splash zone where Shamu has license to spit on you and splash hundreds of gallons of freezing cold salt water at you. Everyone laughs and makes oooohin and aaaahing noises once the blast of artic water hits you. Everyone of course except Lily! I believe she had her first glimpse of what Hell might just be like. Once the salt water hit her and dripped into her eyes the notion that Shamu was a big ol' fun fish was tossed out and he became the devil himself. Shamu became Hellmu all in one fell swoop. After a good 10 minutes of shaking and crying Lily gained back her composure and started talking smack about the killer whale. It started out innocent enough with "Shamu got me" and it eventually turned into "I'm going to fry that sucka"......Ok....you're right she didn't really say that but you get the picture. She was pretty upset with Shamu and personally I don't blame her but what can you do? Like any good child however she was ready to see Shamu again later that day and all was forgiven. From Shamu we did some kids activity things and then made our way to the walrus and sea lion show. We got the opportunity to feed the walruses and sea lions for a few minutes before the show and that was fun simply because the walruses would honk at you for food...at least that's what their cry sounded like. We fed them these little fish that looked like sardines and they went nuts for it. It reminded me of a bunch of high school football players at a CiCi's buffet. It was nuts when you threw one of those little fishes in the water towards them. They would basically drown each other to get to this little morsel. Seemed like a waste of time to me but who knows maybe that little fish was like chocolate chip cookies to a walrus. In some cases you would think the little fish was like crack or something. I mean there were some walruses that literally shook when they saw it dangling in your fingers. They would hold up signs like those bums on the street that said "Please help", "Just lost job", "kids need flipper surgery" crazy stuff like that just to get that little fish. After feeding these crack addicts for a few minutes we went to the show and it was hilarious. It was blooper reel in itself and that made it great. I did however recognize one of the fat, ugly creatures from the feeding tank that was holding a "lost job" sign and realized that I was had been taken by this honkin thing. It was not only working it was the star of the show. Can you believe it? I was conned by a sea lion! Oh well, so we moved on. The next stop was lunch where a sandwich was the same cost as a Farrari. Oh wait a minute hold on we did this after we went to Shamu....then we ate.... then we went to the walrus show. Ok I remember now. It was such a blur and in reality it doesn't matter what came first, this is just a story.

OK, back to lunch. We had lunch and it was actually pretty good. It was just as much fun to sit in the AC and people watch. Man, people are really fun to watch. I figure that for every 10 people there are 2 who are not from this planet. No kidding, 20% of the population are from some planet called Insano. They came here to escape reality and found out what a nutty group of people we humans are and decided to stay. The remaining 80% of the population are just weird. Each of us with our own little quirks and in some cases outdated hairdoo's. The people watching reached it's peak for the day when I overheard a mother and her 8 year old son at one of the many overpriced drink stands talking about what he could and could not have. It appeared that the son wanted a beer to drink and the mother was of course reluctant to let him have it. He said "come on mama, let me have a beer!" and mama said "no, you can't have one here" and the son said "but I'm thirsty" and the mama said "they are too expensive" and the more determined son said "but I want a beer mama" and this went on for a few exchanges until the mama got fed up and ever so gently yelled out while exposing her rather gummy smile and said "you can't have a beer right now God - #$%# it, you'll have to wait until we get home." It was a great example of a parent holding there own against a child. I was almost tearful when I saw the beautiful exchange of loving correction tactics performed by mama. The son was forced to simply throw a fit and a few expletives when finally told he could not at that moment in time have his beer. I wish I could have video taped the scene and showed in on Dr. Phil....or....mayby....Jerry Springer. I get choked up thinking about it......Pause....sniff.......Ok I'm back. Well any way, we enjoyed lunch and the people watching and from there we decided that the most important thing we could do that day was not Shamu, not people watch but ride the log ride! That's right the famous log ride. What's funny about that is the log ride is obviously the #1 attraction at Sea World. You wouldn't know it however until you walk a few blocks to the actual area where the line starts. The reason I say area is because the line starts half a mile away from the actual ride and moves at the pace of a snail. You and a million other trained lab mice weave in and out of a maze of ropes that keep the traffic flow in check. Of course the cheese at the end is the ride itself. The good thing about this waiting time is the actual community you build with your fellow idiots. I got to know this one person who was next to us. They were from San Antonio and they told me that they tortured themselves all the time at Sea World, in fact they came every other weekend and on the other weekend they went to Fiesta Texas. I looked at them in horror as I realized they were from planet Insano. I was glad to hear though that they were second generation Insanians and that they weren't like that that first bunch of Insanians (hippies) that landed in the late 60's. I disguised my fear and continued to talk to them about deep subjects like how smooth the parks roller coasters were and how they were going to try to win a 6ft Scooby Doo at the ring toss game where Sea World has a carnival like game area. I actually pictured places where a 6ft Scooby Doo would fit in my house and after much non-sensical mental placement I decided that it would end up being placed in a very appropriate place....Goodwill. Now don't get me wrong, I too think they are neat when you see people walking around with them in a theme park or carnival but in the back your mind don't you think to yourself - ok stud now that you won that big honkin thing, what are you going to do with it and will it even fit in your car? I imagine that Scooby Doo is some sort of God on planet Insano. I can see it now....Scooby Doo God of all multi-layered sandwiches. I wonder if Shaggy is as loved...hmmmm!

So as we ended our day we absolutely needed to go see the sharks. I agree this is a must do on your Sea World vacation list. They have all these sharks in this HUGE aquarium and you get to see them swim around in complete boredom. I think the sharks know your watching them only because every so often one would wink at you and flash you a jagged smile. I figured if I stayed awhile one would finally don a top hat and cane and sing "Ragtime Gal" for me like the singing frog in those Warner Bros cartoons. Man, wouldn't that be funny! "There goes my baby, there goes my honey, there goes my Ragtime Gaaaaal" while kicking up some fin. Man that would be good. If I saw that you would have never heard me gripe one bit about the cost of the park. That would have made it worth it all by itself. Funny!

Ok so we saw the sharks and left for the car. Guess what the fun wasn't over I forgot that I rented locker for some reason and had to go back into the park and return the key and get my truckload of towels that we never used. Now the good thing here is that if I returned the key I would get my $5.00 deposit back. Yea buddy, I was all over that. So I waited in the appropriate line once I got my towels and proceeded to watch the absolute slowest human being in the entire world check in keys at the locker rental window! I think she too may have come from some planet. After watching her for a good 10 minutes painfully go through the process of returning the key to its home, I decided this person was herself a few cents short of a full dollar. Well in any case I eventually got my $5.00 back and man that was like a victory for me. I clinched that $5.00 bill like it was my last...probably because it was and then I ran briskly out of the park. We started the parade again but this time towards the mini-van and out of the park. We loaded back up and brother we were out of there. I remember the feeling of relief I had right up until the moment my wife reminded me that we were planning on coming back the next day. That's right we were going to the water park portion of the park on Sunday. I almost cried! My wife could hardly wait but then again she is an adventurous person and loves the idea of going where the fun is. My kids wanted to go right then but of course they are two little adopted children from planet Insano so what do you expect. Insanians get their kicks from finding the places where the most people are and for fun they wait in lines. Bless their hearts!

So we make it home safely and one by one we each fall under the weight of the day and crash to sleep, all except me! You guessed it, my children found that it was easier for them to sleep if they kept me awake all night. Lily decided early into the evening to wake up and crawl up into bed with me. I was so physically weak from carrying the loads of beach wear earlier in the day that I couldn't get up to put her back in bed. Now I did have moments of sleep but just when I started sleeping real good Lily would move and accidentally punch, kick and headbutt me. I felt like I was a bad guy in a Jackie Chan movie. Lily is so sweet and wonderful but don't let her fool you she packs a punch! Before you know it the sun popped up and it was time to make the donuts. We all got up within the hour, got ourselves ready and in total disbelief I found myself driving back to Sea World. Because of the complete beating we took at the parking gate the day before and the fact that we had a season parking pass we drove right in. At this point we hadn't spent a dime and I was thrilled. We even walked right into the park. Man we were on a roll, what a great day this was going to be. We met up with the Jordans again and by the way these people are truly some of the greatest people we know. Justin is my friend and chiropractor and is an amazing Christian guy. In case you didn't know Justin is a comedian as well, he "cracks" people up all day...ha ha hahahahaahaha......and HA! What? Can't I throw in the occasional corny joke? Geeez! Ok so it wasn't that funny but hey I bet if Justin heard it he would at least give me a courtesy laugh...so there! I don't have to say much about Denise, you can sum it up with graceful, intelligent, and a great Christian! She would add humble to that if she heard me say that because she would try to disagree with me but I know the difference. Their kids Bailey and JD are great too. Amy and I already have aspirations of CJ and Bailey getting married some day. Isn't that sick? Yea we agree.

OH yea I forgot....entering the park, yes, we entered the park without trouble and went once again to the Shamu Show. This time Lily was ready for the splash of cold water but we didn't indulge her and instead stayed just out of the spash zone. The show was good except the host really didn't have any personality. She came out and introduced herself and the whales like she was the prerecorded IRS operator. Very monotoned and mechanical. HI I AM INSERT NAME AND WELCOME TO SEA WORLD. SAY HELLO TO SHAMU! Bless her heart, I think that she might have been from a different planet too. Everyone around us made comments about her even the ones from planet Insano. She was so monotone that one of the whales died of boredom. Again bless her little mechanical heart!

From Shamu we did a few other things but eventually departed from the Jordans and went to the water park. The Jordans made their way back to Dallas (like intelligent people would do) and we headed for the water (like Insanians would do). This was a pretty good time except when CJ got so excited about going on the raft ride that he pee'd all over himself. The ride attendants of course didn't let him go and Amy had to walk him all the way down the stairs. He was hacked! Mommy was too! It's amazing how kids do that. 5 seconds later and he would have been in the raft and could have pee'd in the raft with hundreds of thousands of gallons to dilute it....but NOOOOOO he had to go right there on the deck of the ride. Oh well, he's 4 and sometimes it just works out that way. I think CJ is still mad at that ride attendant.

The water park was fairly short lived and after getting wet once you were pretty well done for the day. I did however enjoy my second round of people watching. Now this time was a bit different. I had to put up with what I call blind people. Yes blind people! You see before many of these people came that day to the water park they had to get on their swimsuits and from the looks of what I saw many had to be blind. I mean did they really think that what they wore was going to be socially acceptable. There were for the most part people who obviously who don't care what issues their bodies have and simply slipped on suit with a smile. Others, however, I think were fresh off the Insano shuttle and didn't have time to find out was ok by decency standards. I saw people in one pieces that needed half a dozen more pieces and some in two pieces that that obviously only wore the pieces because the law makes them do it. There were your pregnant men with overhanging bellies who have to tie their draw strings without the ability to actually see the strings and of course no water park would be complete without your European guys in Speedo's. Now I'm a reasonable guy, I have at least a little sense of style, but COME ON haven't the Germans figured out by now that Americans are grossed out by the Speedo? It just isn't right! You might as well just paint a suit on or go naked. Even Insanians get offended! There should be a law perhaps in the form of a mattress tag like thing on a Speedo that says "Do not put on under penalty of law. For use by underwear models only". I think that would solve it except for those guys who are blind....................crap, then I guess that really wouldn't solve anything! Maybe we should write our congressmen and see if we as a society can put together a Speedo police. That's their whole job is to sit at Airports checking Europeans luggage for Speedo's and going undercover at pools, beaches and water parks everywhere making sure we rid our society of the Speedo menace! Man, I should be president!

Ok, so we get through the water park and oh by the way I smuggled in some peanut butter and jelly sandwiches into the park. I think that's where we saved the $29 million on lunch. Those were the best pb&j's in the whole wide world. I figured every bite was worth 1/2 a million dollars. You might even call pb&j "poor man's caviar". Good stuff I tell ya! Now we weren't quite done yet. We hadn't seen the dolphin show yet and it came highly recommended by the Jordans. So we go and yes it was really good. It was more of a diving exhibition but the dolphins were good too. They had a funny clown like guy as a silent MC and he was very talented. He did however look strangely like the European guy in Speedo's that I saw at the water park so I was a bit leary of him suddenly yanking his clown suit off to expose his Speedo. Luckily that never happened so I guess he wasn't that same guy. Thank God!!!

Shows over and we leave Sea World in a blaze of glory each of us wet, sunburned and in my case in a full sprint. Amy, CJ and Lily loved every minute of it, Ashlyn (my oldest) is 14 so you couldn't tell if she had a good time or not but that's because at 14 kids are basically just zombies and simply roam the earth until they are 18 or so. I must admit even though it cost half a billion dollars and my feet are still swollen and bleeding I had a decent time. Shamu still puts on a "killer" show....ha ha get it?... Killer as in Killer Whale....Ha ha.....uh......yea....and uh the park still looks good after all these years. People watching is always fun and overpriced food is just part of the deal. So in reality you need walk out knowing that if the wife and kids had a good time then it was probably worth it. We need to cherish the gifts that God has given us and our kids are some of our greatest. I'm thankful that God gave me my wonderful, event planning wife and my beautiful Insanian children. They make going to Sea World an experience to remember and sometimes silently cry about.

I hope you enjoyed this story. Though incredibly long and over analyzed it was therapeutic for me to tell. I think that I will continue to write out my family adventures as I see them. Even if no one reads them they will be my way of communicating to the world that I may not be from planet Insano but I should have been. I believe that each of us have stories to tell but I think everyone is afraid that the government will sneak into the internet and read them and throw us in jail. I'm not afraid of that but I am afraid of harboring all of this madness and them someday with my mind all confused and bloated, I'll put on a Speedo and head out to some theme park thinking I look good. I hope the nursing home people will catch me before I head out the door. You should hope the same. For now, I'm signing off in blaze of glory!

Love your friend!
Brian